"I just bought the cutest outfit at Old Navy!"

You would hear this all day every day from most people in the world. You would NEVER hear this come out of my mouth. Until now.

Today, I shopped. Today, I tried things on. Today, I had a variety of things I COULD try on. I could put things back, I could pass over things, I could check prices, I could shop a size....smaller. Things were too big. And I found a cute outfit, and I bought it.

What the heck is happening to me?

I can't believe this journey sometimes. It is all together heartbreaking, glorious, unbelievable, painful, joyful, and most of all - life altering. Every day is something new. And today, for some reason that only God will be able to reveal to me eventually, today I had conversation after conversation about "how I did this."

People want to know how I did it. What's the trick? What's the secret? The tricky secret is that I get to talk about Jesus. I get to tell people that I wasn't ready to change until I knew I was worth changing. That I was made for more. That Jesus loved me more than anyone, and that He loved me too much to leave me the way I was...unwilling to change.

Is this the hardest thing I have ever done? Yes. Is this the most painful thing I've ever gone through? Yes. But is this the greatest story of God's redemptive hand on my life so far? Oh, hell yes. (that's right, I cursed. Get off me.)

Oh by the way, I took off my "pounds lost" tracker from here. Not because it's not important, but because I was making that number too important and giving it too much power.

But hey, there's something in ALL of our lives that has too much power over us, isn't there? Cut it loose.

-Liz

A birthday without cake

Yesterday was my 36th birthday. I feel super old. Let's just get that one out of the way.

It was a HARD day for me, and I couldn't really figure out why. I had a good night with great friends, I had a good workout, I was with some ladies from church at a baby shower...it should have been a day of celebrating life. I mean, I am almost 70 pounds lighter and certainly more secure in Jesus, so what's the deal?

Can I be honest? You know what the best part about a birthday is? You know what the best part of any celebration is? CAKE. FOOD. PARTY. FOOD. CAKE. ICE CREAM. CAKE. This year...no cake. No ice cream. No fun.

The thought crossed my mind yesterday that crosses all of our minds sometimes: "It's my birthday. Why can't I have cake? I deserve it. This is so stupid."

I have lived 35 years that way, thinking about what I deserved, and indulging in every single thing that I thought I deserved. That put me into a mental state that is pretty frightening as I look back on it. Let me be clear...food itself won't make us sick. Using food as a substitute for God...will. And that's what I did.

• Did I need comfort? -food
• Was I bored? - food
• Was I sad? - food
• Was I sick? - food

Was I lonely, happy, with people, alone, depressed, elated, celebrating, mourning, worried, anxious, afraid? Food, food, food.

Is that the life that I truly deserved?

So, although yesterday was hard, I am glad that I did NOT use food to celebrate, to comfort, to entertain, and to numb. Instead, I am staying in the fight and acknowledging that high fructose corn syrup will not give me life. Jesus will. Red dye #6 will not heal my hurts. Jesus will. Enriched bleached flour will not walk beside me in the midst of pain. Jesus will.

This...THIS is the life that we truly deserve.

-Liz

Is it a good thing or a God thing?

I have had quite an introspective few days. God has been teaching me a lot about the following emotions:

• jealousy
• isolation
• fear of failure
• perserverence
• anxiety/worry

I woke up this morning and I had that old feeling of sadness that used to get me all the time. I have connected that feeling of morning sadness, for the most part, to guilt for what I ate the day before, a hopelessness that I could never change my life. But this morning, I connected it to a hopelessness that I couldn't sustain this change in my life.

Recognizing that my mind is a battlefield has been a big revelation for me. Joyce Meyers has a book called "Battlefield of the Mind" that I am reading for the 2nd time right now. I am choosing God in these moments of desperation, when my old choices used to make me sick. Anything I choose over God will make me sick. These things become our idols and at some point, leave us emptier than when we began. They can be other people, food, alcohol, tv, work, busyness, depression, you can fill in the blank for whatever yours is. Even church can be an idol when it takes the place of Jesus Himself.

See, there are a LOT of good things I can do. Church is a good thing. Friends are a good thing. Exercise is a good thing. But none of these are God. And I can't put God in front of them. Think about your life as a pie. Not that kind of pie...a pie CHART. Do you put God into a little sliver of that pie chart? Is He 5%? Does He squeeze in somewhere between work and family? Is He 0.5% because that's all you have left?

Shouldn't God be the whole pie chart? Shouldn't He be the One in every single part of my life? He did give it to me, after all. Why is He getting my leftovers? What if I gave it to Him and let Him deal with all these emotions that wage war in my mind? The whole pie, where all those emotions like to dig into...not just leftovers.

Leftover pie...shoot. Now that's a visual I need to scare away. Thanks a lot.

-Liz

Nobody believes you, Bruno Mars.

Girl you're amazing, just the way you are. Thanks for the sentiment, Bruno Mars, but no one believes it.

 

I was talking with a friend at work the other day and she told me that she had talked to another lady at the gym, went up to her, and said "I want your body!"

 

No, not like that. In the sense of, whatever she is doing to keep in shape like that, my friend wants to do. That is, in my opinion, a healthy response. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought about how all of us, all of us, have an unhealthy response in terms of comparing ourselves to others.

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said "Finally I am perfect! There is nothing about my body that I would change, I look amazing, just the way I am."

Not lately? Not ever? Yeah, me neither.

Maybe the problem isn't our bodies. Maybe it's our hearts. Maybe we are looking at ourselves through the wrong lens. What if we started looking at ourselves as God sees us, ladies?

• Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit that lives in you. Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you (1 Corinthians 6:19)?
• You are a new creation in Christ. So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away--look, what is new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17)!
• You are chosen, holy, and blameless before God. For he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world that we may be holy and unblemished in his sight in love (Ephesians 1:4).
• You are God's workmanship. For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them (Ephesians 2:10).
• You have been chosen by God, and you are holy and beloved. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience (Colossians 3:12).

I could go on and on. If you want more reasons to love the person in the mirror, read Psalm 139. Do you read God's word like the love letter to you that it is? Or do you read it like it's a school assignment...as fast as possible so you can move on to the next thing?

When I compare myself to someone else, I am saying to God that what He created is ugly. Unlovable. Unworthy. Not as good as someone else. Do you see how messed up that is? You have been given this life because you are strong enough to live it. What is God trying to teach you in the midst of your storms? Maybe that storm is between you and your mirror. So what is God trying to show you?

Keep working out. Keep pursuing health. Keep honoring God with your body. And believe God (and Bruno Mars) when He tells you that you're amazing, just the way you are. Because that, my beautiful friends, is the truth.

-Liz

The Road Less Traveled

I had a very interesting day. Two big things happened, and I can't tell which is more newsworthy.

Ok, so this first picture is of me with some of my high school friends doing some team building activities today. The notable thing in this picture is, however...my shorts.

I have had these shorts for a while. Mostly as a joke for skits about working out and wearing too-tight clothes. See, I could never wear shorts like this. And if I did. I couldn't move at all in them for fear of splitting my shorts. Most embarrassing moment.

But now, I can. This is a crazy thing to me. I have always worn LONG shorts. Boy shorts. Because they hide my legs. Now I am finding, all this working out is paying off and my legs look...tough. They are going to get tougher, but they are already taking shape. This is a crazy thing, my friends. To hide your body your whole life and then be ok to show off, even if it's just legs...this is victory. My joke about becoming more promiscuous as I lose weight just might not be a joke anymore.

Just kidding, Mom.

The other big thing that happened today? I ran 6 miles. Down this trail. The American Tobacco Trail. It can be boring, it can be monotonous. But for me today, it was a time for reflection with me and Jesus. As I was running, I was thinking about where I came from, what I have been doing to get where I am, and the things that I think now that I NEVER thought I would think.

Could I ever not sit on the couch and snack while watching tv? Could I ever stop going to food for comfort? Could I ever enjoy exercising and not just want it to be done? Could I ever see God in the midst of all of this?

It's amazing how God has taken me on a road that I never thought I would travel. I don't know when it happened, or when my heart changed, but things are moving from my head to my heart, and this is a victory.




It's time to travel down a new road.  Let's do it together. I'm really fun on road trips. Try me.

-Liz

Sometimes, you're just...done.

I am in a funk. And I am writing about it publicly. Because privately, too many of us struggle with the lows but publicly, we only declare the highs.

I am in a low. A serious low.

Today, I want to eat everything in sight. Today, I want to get a pizza from Salvio's and feel so full and satisfied and done. Today, I want to be done. Today I'm just...done.

This blog post doesn't have a happy ending or a revelation or an insight. This blog post is just a confession to remind me that the lows are still here. I have done so much and have gone so far, but today is a struggle. Today is a reminder that I am in a battle. There is something going on my mind that isn't reality, and there is a battle for me to believe that I am worth it and I can do this.

So what am I supposed to do? I have no idea. I think about the long-term future of this healthy eating thing and it makes me more exhausted than I can explain. I can't allow myself to think about that too much because it overwhelms me to where I want to quit.

So what am I going to do? I'm going to go to sleep pretty soon and pray that tomorrow will be a better day, that God would take away this funk I am in, and that I would find my joy again. This was a crappy post for me to write, but I hope that my honesty in this valley will encourage you to be honest when you're in your valley. Maybe you're already there. If so, you're right beside me, and I am whispering in your ear "This is temporary and we are going to find a way out."

-Liz

The kissy-face reality



Ok, so this post is not weight related. SHOCKER! But it is, however, heart-related. And to me, all of those things are the same.

This morning before church, I checked out Facebook. (Come on, those are your priorities, too.) As much as I wish I didn't stalk people on Facebook, I do. It never makes me feel better, but it's this awkward thing you can't help but watch.

It seems like today, more than usual, there was an abundance of girls in the following types of pictures:

1. Skinny arm, leg pop
2. Tight black dresses that leave nothing to the imagination
3. Next to bottles of alcohol or shot glasses
4. Kissy face/duck face/peace sign/bathroom mirror



For more examples, visit antiduckface.com
(watch out for inappropriate language)



I won't go on, because I will clearly become a judgmental jerk. I made this my facebook status this morning and quickly removed it:

"I wish that every single girl I know would realize their worth and that they were created in the image of God."

I still want this to happen, more than anything. But I didn't want that to be my fb status. Does it cast judgment and will someone take it the wrong way? Probably. But I have to be honest to all of my lady friends...can we PLEASE stop taking the same picture 10,000 ways? Can we go back to the days where we made ridiculous faces and didn't care about our double chin or our saggy underarm or the angle of our photo? Can we dress comfortably and protect our guy friends by not showing our boobs to the world? Can we wear baggy t-shirts and not cut them up to show our shoulders or our stomachs?

Imagine what a GREAT world that would be. (If you're as old as me, you remember that high school was JUST LIKE THAT and it was GLORIOUS. I miss the 90s.)

Girls, I have to tell you...what we are putting out on Facebook and Twitter these days, it's not cute. It's not portraying us as who we really are: beautiful, perfect daughters of God Himself, created in His image to show His creativity and beauty to the world. You are not an object, you are not a thing, you should not be drawing lines on your bodies telling guys that they can have this or that. You are better than that.

We are BETTER than that! If Facebook is supposed to represent who we really are, than we have some serious renovations to do. Who's with me?

-Liz