An international confession

The following was written by one of our friends that came on our last Jamaica trip. It was his first time, and his honest account will hopefully encourage you to take a big chance, like he did. Enjoy!

It is almost the end of my time here in Jamaica, and I can truly say that I might come back a little different than when I left. I have experienced a lot of things – that - I’ve honestly heard about or seen through pictures for years now that I’ve never truly experienced. I have learned the difference between seeing something on a screen, and being so close that you can feel it.

Never before coming to Jamaica, could I smell the burning trash in the ghettos, or see the scars on kid’s arms, legs and chest, because of old metal sitting in their front yard. Never before have I seen such a small and crowded hospital that I had to squeeze by doctors and nurses -trying to help patients. Never before have I seen so many elderly people crammed into rooms, likely to stay there tired and forgotten. Never before have I been so lost for words that I was stuck frozen to the ground in terrible awe. Never before have I held the hand of a girl with no name, hospital sheet, or family around to be with her… Never before had I felt so helpless…

That was how I first saw Jamaica. We drove straight passed the fancy resorts and the tourist cities to the country torn in pain and despair; a sight seen by too few Americans. I regrettably admit, I saw no point in trying to help what I thought to be a lost cause. We have been here for a few days and I didn’t think we accomplished anything really. I felt our efforts were falling short, I lost my focus, and I felt defeated. In the morning we had time every day to read the bible or sit and talk with each other about how the previous day was, or what we wanted to accomplish that day. I found this time to be perfect to go to the roof, sit by myself, and just think away the hour until breakfast. I took about six days of my spirit being beaten and tired to the point of exhaustion that I finally found what I was looking for. It was not what I thought it would be at all.

I thought the reason why I was going on this trip was to help solve Jamaica’s problems - pure and simple. I now see how naïve I was to think I could instantly heal the wounds of years of turmoil in a just a few days of labor and prayer. This is my first mission trip and I knew nothing about what it really means to be a missionary, but I wanted to give it everything I had. Before this trip, my faith could be described as “shaky” at best, and one could call me agnostic without much fault.  It wasn’t until we went to a place called “Petersville” that I finally had my outlook changed.

Today wasn’t our first trip to Petersville, but it was definitely the most powerful. The first day there our only goal was to gain the people of Petersville’s trust. We carried gallons upon gallons of water from the only spigot located in the middle of the village to all houses spread out sporadically among the hills. Being a YMCA counselor for almost a third of my life made it easiest for me to bond with the kids of Petersville. I have never seen so many kids appear seemingly out of nowhere, just to see a bunch of white people equipped with only water jugs to carry and tennis balls to play with. Their positive attitude was really eye opening… How could these kids with nothing be so happy just to toss a ball with a stranger? This feeling filled the air and consequently lifted my spirit as well. It was in Petersville that I met Hubert, an 11 year old boy that I instantly connected to even through our language barrier. Ill spare you the details, but basically it took me three days of playing and teaching him math and reading that I finally got him to smile. It made me happy to know I had made my first friend in Jamaica.

I went home today and thought again of why I was here. I came to a much different conclusion that I did a few days earlier. I realized that I had looked at everything all wrong and gained a new perspective.

I now see that the awful smell of the burning trash was just their best way to get rid of waste without a trash system that comes to your house and empties your barrels for you. I now see that the cuts and bruises on the kids are just a mark of their determination to play even in such a harsh place, and never think about trying to grow up too fast. I admire that about them. I now see the honor in working as a doctor in such a crowded hospital and will never know the perseverance it must take to be there every day.  I now see that when I was so lost for words earlier this week in the old folks home that holding a women’s hand and sitting next to her in silence was the best thing I could have done. I now see that the girl in the hospital with no name at least had me around even if just for a few minutes to pray over her and just be there for her even if she wasn’t conscious. I now see that when I thought my heart was being torn open by such sad sights was actually the complete opposite. I now see that God was not tearing down my heart but opening it up to let in more love than ever before. I now know that what I was praying to find, finally revealed itself. I wasn’t helpless all along, but was helping the communities every day and in doing so, God was helping me.

I’ve learned a lot about myself, and about the world thanks to this trip. I finally learned the meaning of “one love”. I’ve learned to believe someone when they look you in the eye and say “please”. I’ve learned that giving something away feels a million times better than receiving it. I’ve learned all the things my grandpa used to tell me all the time, was and still is true. I understand the true meaning of “money can’t buy you happiness.” What they really mean is that everybody can afford to happy. I’ve learned you can find out what the “TRUTH IS”, a lot easier if you search within yourself, than if you try to find it on facebook. I’ll never forget where I came from, and I now have a clearer sight of where I wanna go… I love Jamaica... I love the team I’m here with, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

The connection between weight loss and hope

Where have I been?

I haven't posted in a while. I haven't had a life changing AHA moment to share with the world. I also haven't been in a deep valley. I have been right in the middle.

The middle...is a scary place. When I think all is well, and there is no struggle, and things are coasting along, I tend to give up. Not because I mean to, but because I forget. I forget that for me, the weight loss thing is a battle. And if I lose the battle, I lose hope.

This week, a project I have been working on for months and months now, has moved on. Our Jamaica container truck came, and today it drove off filled to the brim with boxes and bins and mattresses and bikes that we have been collecting and praying over for almost a year now.

So now what? My project is over, so what do I do? It may sound weird, but part of me lost - hope. Part of me thought, "well, back to my old life now." But the old life is not an option for me anymore. I gave away all my clothes to Goodwill. I wear smaller pants. I eat differently. I work out. But all of that wouldn't matter if I didn't believe in myself and believe more in the NEW life.

In a sense, watching Jim and Penie Koch drive that Penske truck away made me think about all of my own baggage and what I choose to hold onto versus what I know I have to leave behind. At the end of my life, what will I care to hold onto? What will matter the most? Even more specifically, at the end of my day today, will I really care that I didn't get to eat that brownie that everyone else enjoyed last night? Will I really miss out on the double helping of lasagna that I skipped?

Nope. And that, to me, is hope. I am able to see past a temporary pain for a permanent future. And so we continue - to hope. And unlike food, hope does NOT disappoint.

-Liz

THIS...is your American Idol.

I'm reading a book called "Gospel" by JD Greear. It's a great book, and I'm not surprised by how much it's teaching me about the power of the Gospel. I am surprised, however, with how much it's teaching me about the power of food.

The chapter I just read was about idols. An idol is something you worship, we all know that probably. But what we don't know, is what it means to actually worship something in practical terms. For instance, do you know how to identify idols in your life? Here is the "Idolatry-Detector" Test and how I realized that food is, absolutely, my idol. Fill in the answers:

1. What one thing do you most hope is in your future? What is it that, without it, life would hardly seem worth living? (Mexican food. No, seriously, I used to be right there.)
2. What is one thing you worry most about losing? What one thing could you just absolutely not get along without? (Again, El Dorado. No, I really, REALLY, miss it.)
3. If you could change one thing about yourself right now, what would it be? (Whatever you come up with, you probably want to change that thing because you think that if you did you'd be so much happier. For instance, if I lose 100 pounds and the only thing I've learned is that I need smaller pants, I'm in big trouble.)
4. When do you feel the most significant? (The answer for me is - when people love and accept me...and because I will never reach a 100% approval rating, I have used food to keep everyone else at a distance. See the power struggle?)
5. Where do you turn for comfort when things are not going well? (Ummmm...duh.)

These are a few of the determining factors when it comes to idols in your life. Is food our American Idol? It sure seems like it. Arby's advertises "Good Mood Food." Cracker Barrel advertises "Comfort Food." What is the one room in the house that people tend to gather? The kitchen. We use food to comfort us and put us in a good mood, when all it is doing is stuffing down emotions that need to be dealt with. Food lasts for that ten seconds of flavor, and leaves us with an emptiness for life.

Why are we so outwardly focused? Why are we obsessed with how we look on the outside that we don't spend nearly enough time on the inside? I would challenge all of us to identify our idols. Is it a relationship? Is it a sports team? Is it your job? What is one thing that, if it was taken away from you, would devastate you beyond repair? What is your foundation?

Whatever it is...is God better?

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” - Matthew 7

How did I reward my fifty pound weight loss?

By going out for wings.

No, I am not kidding. Is it sort of like an alcoholic celebrating sobriety by having a beer? Yes. BUT...here's where I know things are different for those of us with food issues: an alcoholic can stay away from alcohol. A drug addict can stay away from drugs. A gambler can stay out of casinos. An addictive relationship can be avoided by simply avoiding that person.

What are those of us with eating issues supposed to do?

Where I live, there is fast food everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE. The first few weeks of my weight loss journey, I took a different route home from work so I could avoid passing my old favorite foods. They make it so easy. I mean, I don't even need to get out of my car to get what I love. If that's not enabling, I don't know what is.

I could confess my wing night dinner with a heavy heart and a guilty conscience. Or, I could be honest and tell you...having that cheat meal felt REALLY great. Yes, my friends were fun, and the wings were amazing (Rudy's has the best wings in the Triangle, hands down). More importantly though, when I left the restaurant, I knew that was a cheat meal, and that's it. I left it there, and I didn't think "oh, here comes the backsliding and I'm about to gain all the weight back that I lost."

See, a few weeks ago, my mental state was "if I cheat, it's over. If I even taste a Big Mac I'll gain all the weight back and then some. Don't mess up. Ever." Last night, I can honestly say that my mind has finally shifted to "I made a poor food choice, but it's ok. Tomorrow is a new day, and I AM NEW!"

So today, I got up. And I ran 3 miles. And I sat in the sauna with my friends and sweated out that wing sauce. And then I went about my day.

And THAT, my friends, is a big deal.

-Liz

Fifty Pounds in Four Months!

I have dreamed about being able to say this. I have wished that one day, I could share this. I have worked really hard to confidently state this sentence...
I have lost 52 pounds in four months.

How many weeks has it been since September 13th? How many calories counted, miles ran, hours on the treadmill, bicep curls, flights of stairs with my trainer beside me, Luna bars, bananas, Nalgenes, journal entries, prayers for patience? How many questions for God? How many coffee conversations with women that have gone before me? How many tears along the way? How many doubts? A lot.

My purpose for this blog is not to brag, although, this is the best thing I can ever brag about. My purpose for THIS blog is to tell you (even though you hear this from other people and don't believe it) that if I can do it, you can DEFINITELY do it.

Whatever "it" is. For most of us, it's weight loss. For ALL of us, it's believing that we are worth fighting for, and that we have a Saviour that wants to save us from ourselves. I am so glad that I can tell you that I have lost 50 pounds. Holy crap. But I am filled with joy to be able to tell you that what I am gaining, is worth FAR MORE than what I am losing.

Amen.

-Liz

One week to see God?

It’s amazing how one week can change you. I left the US on December 26^th skeptical of religion and faith.  While I am no stranger to philanthropy and service trips, a mission trip was a completely different story.  When Dee asked me to come on the trip to Jamaica I was excited at the opportunity. She told me that it was a mission’s trip, so I should expect to pray. I was nervous but eventually decided that just because everyone else was praying didn’t mean I had to.

To say I was out of my comfort zone in the first two days of the trip would be a huge understatement.  I was an agnostic on a missions trip in a foreign country with a bunch of strangers…yeah that sounds about right.  The second night when Dee asked me how I was feeling I said I was on “Jesus overload”.  Even in the first two days I had been exposed to more prayer than I had in years.  I was skeptical of faith, and felt uncomfortable praying to a God I wasn’t sure existed with people who were so sure He did.

After hearing Jim and Penie’s passionate stories about how God had come through for them when they needed it most. After talking with other members of the team and the staff about faith and how drastically different their faith was to how I perceived faith.  After interacting with the children of Petersville and Gully Bank and seeing the joy in their faces as the pickup and van pulled up, or how proud they were when they got a math problem right. And after visiting the infirmary and hospital where patients asked me to pray for them, something was changing.  By the middle of the week I began to have a curiosity about God and Faith and by the end of the week caught myself praying with the group.

Something happened during that week that I cannot explain, so I won’t even attempt to.  I can’t claim that I am now a great Christian with an unwavering faith in God, because that would be a lie.  I can claim that, in all likelihood, I wouldn’t have any curiosity about faith if I hadn’t gone to Jamaica.  Maybe I’ve been feeling my life being pulled towards philanthropy and helping others because God’s at the other end of the rope. Who knows?

All I do know is that the week I spent in Jamaica was one of the most eye-opening and happiest weeks in my life.  The people of Jamaica stole my heart, and they impacted my life just as much as I hope in impacted theirs.  I hope I can keep my mind and my heart open to the possibility of God and faith back at home.

Until next time Jamaica, I know I’ll be back.

- Nicole (Nickels)

“What I do you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.” – Mother Theresa

A letter of encouragement

I got an email last night from my best friend. She knows me better than anyone, and she knows I was struggling. What I love MOST about her, is Christ in her. I read this email earlier today, but it just came to me that, it is a PERFECT letter of encouragement for most of us that are weary and tired of the weight loss journey. Please insert your name all over it, and know it is from God to you. Enjoy!

Today is a new day.

Today, you might have annoying temptations like yesterday. But today, you are new. God created you for more. And the devil exists so that he can steal your joy. Think about this: when you are focusing on the curses of what you can't have and how it's not fair that you can't do what other people are doing like eating whatever they want, you're letting the devil win and consume your time with potentially good opportunities to bless people and encourage yourself. I know you want that crappy food, but you see that it's not what satisfies people, and even you.

It might seem annoying, but keep your focus on the good things that are coming from this journey. You are changing aspects of your life you never dreamed of! and you're inspiring people that are watching your progress, people that you don't even know their last names. YOU CAN DO THIS. and when it feels like you can't, give it completely to the God that created you and knows your deepest struggles. Because while you can't eat that meal at El Dorado, someone is struggling with even bigger life issues. that we can't even fathom. God gave you a beautiful body that He wants you to treat with respect. You know better. I believe in you so much. Keep going, you're SO CLOSE TO 50!! its a HUGE DEAL!!! keep up the amazing work, and changing lives while you're doing it. So proud to call you my best friend.I FREAKING LOVE YOU!!

NOW KICK ASS TODAY!!!!

You heard the woman. Go kick ass today! JUST today. And tomorrow, we will deal with it when it comes!

-Liz