When friends just don't understand

Just got back from our weeklong missions trip to Jamaica, that's why I have been silent. But trust me, my mind has been racing with thoughts of God, life, process, weight, forgiveness, friendship, accountability, expectations, perfection, and reality.

Are you as exhausted as I am reading that list?

Today, I weighed in with my trainer and, to date, I have lost 61 pounds! DANG! I am so excited, especially since I ate everything in sight while we were in Jamaica. But it certainly got me thinking about food and my social life. I thought I would share some well-intentioned words I've had from friends recently:

1. Have this brownie, you have been working so hard! You deserve it!
2. Don't let this weight thing affect your social life.
3. I think you're taking yourself too seriously.
4. You're going to be so pretty!
5. Hey trust me, I'm trying to lose a few pounds myself, but I don't let it affect my time with friends.
6. Just substitute chips with some delicious carrots! They have the same crunch and satisfy your desire to snack! (this one is my favorite...)

Let me repeat, these are words from my well-intentioned friends. Friends that love me and want to encourage me. They are not trying to beat me up, tear me down, stop my progress, or hurt my feelings.

It is, however, a reminder, that my naturally thin friends just don't understand. And I cannot fault them for that. How could a sober person understand an addict? How can I make them see that food can be an addiction just like anything else? So...I smile, and thank them, and go on my merry way, but inside, it does feel lonely. It feels unfair, it feels isolating.

But today I am living in this 61 pound victory. Today I am celebrating being able to fly on an airplane with the armrest down and the seatbelt having extra room. That is a victory that some of you can relate to, but some cannot. To be comfortable in a world that has always felt too small for me is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I can't wait to see what's next.

-Liz

Accepting you for you

Another great friend of ours, Cameron, who has been to Jamaica with us twice, and soon to be a third time, had these thoughts on his heart. It's his first time to publicly be so bold, which is a blessing for us because that kind of risk always means great reward. Enjoy!

I've never written a blog before so this is a little bit weird to me, but here it goes. Last night while on the phone with my good friends Liz and Dee I came to the realization that I am in fact my own person and I shouldn't live my life being compared to others. My whole life I've felt that I've always been compared to my two older brothers, whether I was being praised for being “better” than them or I was being put down for “failing” to live up to their lives. I know this seems absurd, but for me its something that has always loomed over me and caused a great deal of stress in my life. Whether its trying to do as well in them at school or just trying to act and look like them, I struggle with inadequacy and feeling of being inferior compared to them.

 However last night I realized that I am in fact my own person, and I shouldn't compare myself to them because I am in fact NOT them, and that I am being unfair to myself and ultimately selling myself short of the life God wants me to live. After all God made me “perfect” and in his image, so why should I ever feel inferior? Today I've really realized that everything I do I need to do to the best of my ability to praise God, but I have also realized that if I try my best and put forth everything I have I cannot fail in God's eyes, which makes me feel so much better about life in general. This may seem silly to you guys that something this small could have such a big impact on my life, but after this “come to Jesus” last night my life has been much easier for me to accept. One of the dangers that comes with comparing ourselves to others is that it will lead to envy and jealousy, which are both vile in God's eyes.

Romans 12: 6 says it all: “Let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be; without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't. If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else.” (The Message).

I hope this will help someone reading to realize that you are not what the world says you are, but what God says you are, and he says you are perfect, and redeemed, and that you are filled with the spirit of God.

-Cameron

There is no Plan B.

This picture was taken in December of 2010. You are looking at it, and it's unbelievable. Maybe, if you know us, you have seen it before. And most of you know the story behind it. But Dee shared something with me a few days ago, an update to this photo, that has still rocked my world, and it's something I will never forget.

This picture was taken in December of 2010. It was our second trip to Jamaica, but our first trip to the infirmary. The infirmary is more like, a home for the forgotten. Some are elderly, some are handicapped, all are people that have no other home. No family to care for them, no person to hug them, no home to die peacefully. So here they are, in an infirmary: a long room, lined with rusty beds and dirty mattresses.

We arrived empty handed. Our purpose was just to talk to the men and women there. Our mission was to show Jesus Christ to them. Not in our words, but in our touch. For me, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I felt like my feet were glued to the floor. I was supposed to just go up to these people and pray for them? To hold their hands? To comfort them in their pain? How do I do that when I can barely take a step?

I was deep inside my own insecurity when I turned around to see this scene. My friend doing one of the most courageous things she has ever done. Kneeling beside the bed of a man that was gnarled up from years of pain and disability, praying for him. And 15 minutes later, still praying for him. And as she prayed, his arms and legs unfolded and stretched out in his bed, as if he was able to release the pain and torment of his failing body. What you can't see in this picture, is the tear coming out of his eye and rolling down his cheek. Maybe it was his response to pain, but I think it was his response to someone sitting with him and staying with him and being the hands and feet of Jesus to him.

It was something I can't explain.

But the other day, I asked Dee if, when we visited that infirmary again last month, in December of 2011, she saw that man she prayed for because I sure didn't. She had asked Penie that same question. Where was he? Penie informed Dee that he had passed away, not long after our visit in 2010. And we are left knowing that Dee was one of the last people to be with this man in such a powerful way. She was one of the last people to sit beside him in the last days of an excruciating illness. She prayed for him and brought him into the presence of His Father, His Daddy, the One who loves him eternally and took away his pain.

May we all go through this day and spend it with someone who needs a hand, a touch, a prayer, a conversation. Our words have power, and our God has plans for us that involve the people around us right here and right now. Remember, you are God's plan, and there is no plan B.

-Liz

An international confession

The following was written by one of our friends that came on our last Jamaica trip. It was his first time, and his honest account will hopefully encourage you to take a big chance, like he did. Enjoy!

It is almost the end of my time here in Jamaica, and I can truly say that I might come back a little different than when I left. I have experienced a lot of things – that - I’ve honestly heard about or seen through pictures for years now that I’ve never truly experienced. I have learned the difference between seeing something on a screen, and being so close that you can feel it.

Never before coming to Jamaica, could I smell the burning trash in the ghettos, or see the scars on kid’s arms, legs and chest, because of old metal sitting in their front yard. Never before have I seen such a small and crowded hospital that I had to squeeze by doctors and nurses -trying to help patients. Never before have I seen so many elderly people crammed into rooms, likely to stay there tired and forgotten. Never before have I been so lost for words that I was stuck frozen to the ground in terrible awe. Never before have I held the hand of a girl with no name, hospital sheet, or family around to be with her… Never before had I felt so helpless…

That was how I first saw Jamaica. We drove straight passed the fancy resorts and the tourist cities to the country torn in pain and despair; a sight seen by too few Americans. I regrettably admit, I saw no point in trying to help what I thought to be a lost cause. We have been here for a few days and I didn’t think we accomplished anything really. I felt our efforts were falling short, I lost my focus, and I felt defeated. In the morning we had time every day to read the bible or sit and talk with each other about how the previous day was, or what we wanted to accomplish that day. I found this time to be perfect to go to the roof, sit by myself, and just think away the hour until breakfast. I took about six days of my spirit being beaten and tired to the point of exhaustion that I finally found what I was looking for. It was not what I thought it would be at all.

I thought the reason why I was going on this trip was to help solve Jamaica’s problems - pure and simple. I now see how naïve I was to think I could instantly heal the wounds of years of turmoil in a just a few days of labor and prayer. This is my first mission trip and I knew nothing about what it really means to be a missionary, but I wanted to give it everything I had. Before this trip, my faith could be described as “shaky” at best, and one could call me agnostic without much fault.  It wasn’t until we went to a place called “Petersville” that I finally had my outlook changed.

Today wasn’t our first trip to Petersville, but it was definitely the most powerful. The first day there our only goal was to gain the people of Petersville’s trust. We carried gallons upon gallons of water from the only spigot located in the middle of the village to all houses spread out sporadically among the hills. Being a YMCA counselor for almost a third of my life made it easiest for me to bond with the kids of Petersville. I have never seen so many kids appear seemingly out of nowhere, just to see a bunch of white people equipped with only water jugs to carry and tennis balls to play with. Their positive attitude was really eye opening… How could these kids with nothing be so happy just to toss a ball with a stranger? This feeling filled the air and consequently lifted my spirit as well. It was in Petersville that I met Hubert, an 11 year old boy that I instantly connected to even through our language barrier. Ill spare you the details, but basically it took me three days of playing and teaching him math and reading that I finally got him to smile. It made me happy to know I had made my first friend in Jamaica.

I went home today and thought again of why I was here. I came to a much different conclusion that I did a few days earlier. I realized that I had looked at everything all wrong and gained a new perspective.

I now see that the awful smell of the burning trash was just their best way to get rid of waste without a trash system that comes to your house and empties your barrels for you. I now see that the cuts and bruises on the kids are just a mark of their determination to play even in such a harsh place, and never think about trying to grow up too fast. I admire that about them. I now see the honor in working as a doctor in such a crowded hospital and will never know the perseverance it must take to be there every day.  I now see that when I was so lost for words earlier this week in the old folks home that holding a women’s hand and sitting next to her in silence was the best thing I could have done. I now see that the girl in the hospital with no name at least had me around even if just for a few minutes to pray over her and just be there for her even if she wasn’t conscious. I now see that when I thought my heart was being torn open by such sad sights was actually the complete opposite. I now see that God was not tearing down my heart but opening it up to let in more love than ever before. I now know that what I was praying to find, finally revealed itself. I wasn’t helpless all along, but was helping the communities every day and in doing so, God was helping me.

I’ve learned a lot about myself, and about the world thanks to this trip. I finally learned the meaning of “one love”. I’ve learned to believe someone when they look you in the eye and say “please”. I’ve learned that giving something away feels a million times better than receiving it. I’ve learned all the things my grandpa used to tell me all the time, was and still is true. I understand the true meaning of “money can’t buy you happiness.” What they really mean is that everybody can afford to happy. I’ve learned you can find out what the “TRUTH IS”, a lot easier if you search within yourself, than if you try to find it on facebook. I’ll never forget where I came from, and I now have a clearer sight of where I wanna go… I love Jamaica... I love the team I’m here with, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

One week to see God?

It’s amazing how one week can change you. I left the US on December 26^th skeptical of religion and faith.  While I am no stranger to philanthropy and service trips, a mission trip was a completely different story.  When Dee asked me to come on the trip to Jamaica I was excited at the opportunity. She told me that it was a mission’s trip, so I should expect to pray. I was nervous but eventually decided that just because everyone else was praying didn’t mean I had to.

To say I was out of my comfort zone in the first two days of the trip would be a huge understatement.  I was an agnostic on a missions trip in a foreign country with a bunch of strangers…yeah that sounds about right.  The second night when Dee asked me how I was feeling I said I was on “Jesus overload”.  Even in the first two days I had been exposed to more prayer than I had in years.  I was skeptical of faith, and felt uncomfortable praying to a God I wasn’t sure existed with people who were so sure He did.

After hearing Jim and Penie’s passionate stories about how God had come through for them when they needed it most. After talking with other members of the team and the staff about faith and how drastically different their faith was to how I perceived faith.  After interacting with the children of Petersville and Gully Bank and seeing the joy in their faces as the pickup and van pulled up, or how proud they were when they got a math problem right. And after visiting the infirmary and hospital where patients asked me to pray for them, something was changing.  By the middle of the week I began to have a curiosity about God and Faith and by the end of the week caught myself praying with the group.

Something happened during that week that I cannot explain, so I won’t even attempt to.  I can’t claim that I am now a great Christian with an unwavering faith in God, because that would be a lie.  I can claim that, in all likelihood, I wouldn’t have any curiosity about faith if I hadn’t gone to Jamaica.  Maybe I’ve been feeling my life being pulled towards philanthropy and helping others because God’s at the other end of the rope. Who knows?

All I do know is that the week I spent in Jamaica was one of the most eye-opening and happiest weeks in my life.  The people of Jamaica stole my heart, and they impacted my life just as much as I hope in impacted theirs.  I hope I can keep my mind and my heart open to the possibility of God and faith back at home.

Until next time Jamaica, I know I’ll be back.

- Nicole (Nickels)

“What I do you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.” – Mother Theresa

Coming Soon...

Flew in from Jamaica last night. I have so many thoughts, it's ridiculous. My biggest thought right now is that we have a project this month to ship a container to the families in Jamaica that need clothes, mattresses, and bibles. Here is a little teaser video I did for that project. PLEASE pray about donating $50 towards a family that needs it. Each family has a container that you can shop for. Watch this awesomeness from our week in Whitehouse, Jamaica:

Jamaica tomorrow. Not a cruise. A mission.

Tomorrow I am leading a team of 16 to Jamaica to work with My Father's House ministries in Whitehouse, Westmoreland, Jamaica. I am feeling...unequipped.

I am not sure why God, throughout history, has used broken people to change the world, but He has. All through the bible I read about people who weren't ready, who made huge mistakes, who were outlaws, outcasts, and ousted by others, but God chose them.

And on this day, over 2000 years ago, God chose to walk alongside us as a baby, of all things. And a baby to an unwed mother. Not in an elaborate king's chambers, but in a manger. In a barn, surrounded by donkeys, filthy and cold.

Right now, I sit on a king size bed in my parents' house in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania surrounded by beautiful things. Tomorrow, I will stand in the middle of an impoverished country surrounded by beautiful people.

"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

I would love your prayer for our week in Jamaica. I would love your prayer that I would get out of the way and let God use me. I would love your prayer that I would choose God and His will above me and my will. Because my will is freaking STRONG and I tend to make situations all about me, even when I don't mean to.

That's how deep my pride goes. Good thing God runs deeper.

-Liz

hope.

Our hope is that you will be empowered to help change the world, no matter where you start. 

Watch This

Jamaica

Having been to Jamaica 9 months before, I was somewhat expecting a similar experience and new challenges along the way. Little did I know, this was going to be a week I was not prepared for in the most beautiful way possible. We had a solid group of 20+ people ready to change lives and to be changed in return. We felt God calling us to do something greater than ourselves, and we were all in it together.
Prior to going on the trip, we already had countless things going on that were getting in the way of our original plans for Jamaica. Numerous people were feeling sick, flights were getting cancelled and delayed for days, and it was apparent that the enemy did not want us in Jamaica. Of course, God always wins and it all works out (just not in the ways we thought)
One of the biggest things I learned this week was the need to completely let go of my own control, because in a huge sense, I don’t have any. I know that God is in control in my life, and I am just following His guidance. There were many things that happened unexpectedly and not necessarily in the ways I wanted them to, but I know now that my plans play no comparison to His, even when I don’t initially agree. It’s a humbling experience learning to go with the flow, and to find God through pain, suffering, confusion; you name it. He allows things to happen so that we can rely on Him and to let go of pride.
The whole week was filled with physical and emotional challenges, but it was also filled with beautiful moments you would never expect. We started the week by cleaning things around the house, reorganizing rooms and scrubbing some of the walls. They had a flood a few months earlier that made their garage pretty messy, so we power-washed the room and all the storage in there. Once everyone had safely made it to Jamaica, we started to go into the community to work with children and families who could use our help. There was one day in particular that I will truly never forget:

My Divine Appointment
One morning we were headed to Gully Bank, a nursing home for women and men in Jamaica. I was walking into the mens’ ward and walked down the center isle, with bed after bed of men on both sides of me. Some men were sitting up and smiling, while others were having body compulsions. Others laid there lifelessly. As I started to walk past one of the men who looked emaciated to say the least, I felt God telling me to not be scared and to talk to him, even though I was terrified. After a few seconds, I turned around and kneeled next to this man. He was looking up at the ceiling with 4 or 5 flies on his face. His body was disfigured and was made up of only skin and bone. I started to rub his head and I watched him close his eyes. I then felt a sudden need to pray for him, and 15 minutes later, I was still going, and sobbing at the same time. During the time I was praying for him, I felt like I was lifting his burdens, and that I could feel what he was feeling. I had never experienced something like that before. When I opened my eyes and looked at him, I saw a tear mark in the corner of his eye. During those twenty minutes, no words were ever expressed, nor did they need to be. I know that God placed that divine appointment in my life to show that precious old man that God still loved him. I truly don’t know if that time together meant more to me or him, but I do know that God will use anyone, anywhere to show someone love.

Nobody can steal my joy
If anyone knows me really well, they know that I am a picture freak. I carry my camera like people carry a cell phone. I woke up on the last morning of the mission’s trip and went to look through my pictures on my camera. When I went to play back my pictures, the LCD screen said no image. I started to mildly freak out, frantically trying to figure out how it was possible that my 800 pictures were gone. As much as I was devastated, I had to remind myself that I had no control over the situation, and that I couldn’t waste my time and emotions being angry and upset. Others in the house started to hear about it, and I can’t express the level the encouragement people were giving me. Whether it was little 10 year old Daniel writing “send pictures to D” on his hand,Bethenny writing me an encouraging letter, or the men of the group praying over me, I was feeling so loved. They knew it was a big deal for me that I lost all my pictures from the week, and everyone reached out to me to make me feel better. Sometimes we get so caught up in the sufferings that we don’t take the time to appreciate the little blessings in disguise.
A Predicament to Paradise
Liz, Natalie, and I headed to the airport on the last day of the trip to go home. When we looked at the departure board, about 20 flights were listed, and only one of them were cancelled. Yep, it was ours. Not even delayed, just cancelled. I started getting upset in the airport. I had just lost all my pictures, and I was leaving to study abroad 3 days later and I couldn’t afford to miss one more day at home. I pulled it together and reminded myself that I had no control over the situation. We waited in what we thought would be a short line for 2 ½ hours. We were pretty much up to our breaking points with frustration and impatience, but we finally made it to the front. The airline staff member told us he would be putting us in the holiday inn for the night, and that we would catch the 6 pm flight the next day. I don’t know about you, but the holiday inn back home is not the first place I would want to go. We show up to the inn, and our minds our instantly blown. We were suddenly in the lobby of a 4 star all-inclusive resort on the beach that stretched out among 7 buildings. The next 16 hours consisted of relaxing beach side under a sunny sky, eating delicious food, and enjoying entertainment from the resort. It was during that time that I felt God’s love for me, and that he wanted to spoil me with a day of fun and peace after a hard week physically and emotionally. God is always ready to bless you like crazy, you just need to take the time to look for it, big or small.