What are we hiding from?

I was just on myfitnesspal.com. It's a great website that tracks calories and exercises for you, and has lists of foods in and out of restaurants, etc. I have the app on my iphone and it has REALLY been a help.

ANWAYS...I was reading someone's blog post where they posted before and after pictures, in the mirror, of 33 pounds before and 33 pounds after. I was reading through all of the replies, the congratulations, etc. and there was one that REALLY got me. One woman replied to the photos by saying:

"Wow, I wish I had taken more before photos, but I was always trying to stay out of the picture."

Painful. Profound. Honest. It has me thinking the same thing. I never took before photos. I am still not taking photos. Why? I'm not scared to jump in a group photo. But I am scared of taking photos of my work in progress. Am I still trying to stay out of the picture?

Just a question of...what are we hiding from? Is it a person? Is it ourselves? Is it our potential? What are we afraid of?

I don't know the answers. I do know that, for me, sometimes it is painful to acknowledge change and be the center of attention. It's hard to take a compliment, and it's scary to find myself in a new reality. But it's the good kind of scary. Like a leap of faith. Like trusting someone. Like accepting love. Like accepting that someone loves me unconditionally.

I am losing weight because I am loved, not because I want to be loved. See the difference? After 35 years, I do.

-Liz