A world of firsts.

Last night I helped out with this big event for the Y called Youth and Government. It's 1700 kids from around the state of North Carolina, and they debate bills and do other awesome things to practice changing the world.

A good "before" pic from 2011.

I wanted to post some pictures from the night for a few reasons. Today marks the 6th day in a row that I have eaten REALLY well and worked out REALLY hard. To be totally honest, I have been half-assing it for a while now. A cheat meal here, a lost weekend there. Last Sunday I think I just hit a new low: going to Bojangles and eating all this stuff that is NOT good for me. Just because.

Monday was really hard. It definitely felt like the first day of rehab. It was hard not to snack. I wanted to eat junk food. I was fighting the cravings. Isn't this ridiculous? Food is my drug of choice and I can't forget just how powerful this drug is.

I weighed in with my trainer on Friday and I thought for sure that the scale would show my efforts from the week. It didn't. It really didn't. I think a few months ago if this happened, I would have gone home and eaten crap that wasn't good for me. Self-sabotage. But this week, I realized that I have come too far to do that. The scale is not showing my progress, but my emotions are. This is a victory.

Last night was wild...I had to dress like a fool (as seen in these photos). However, I will say that these camo overalls are amazingly comfortable so I highly recommend picking them up at your local Wal-Mart.

We rode around the Raleigh Convention Center in these mini-trikes for like an hour. It was the funnest thing in the world. (Yes, I know that "funnest" is not a word, back off me.) But the coolest part about it, for me, is that I could do it. That mini-trike wasn't too mini for me. And the pictures from the night, when I saw them, I was surprised. I see my body changing and I see someone new that I have never seen before.

Or I guess, she's been there all along, but now she's come out of hiding.

Awesome.

-Liz

Trike gang.

A harder picture has never been taken.

Calling all fence sitters!

I'm sitting on the fence.

Well, I have been sitting on the fence for a while now. Occasionally, I would hop off the fence. But I chose the wrong side more than the right one.

I know this, because I like to push the edges of safety. I was doing so great with my weight loss all last year. But after a few months, things slowed down. This is normal for anyone in a weight loss program. Even on the Biggest Loser, it happens. But when it happened to me, I panicked.

Panic led to bad decisions. Here was my reasoning: I'm working so hard and not losing anything at all. So I might as well work less and "trick my body" to see if that changes anything.

Oh, it did something allright. So began 3 months of half-assing this whole weight loss thing. A few great days followed by a cheat meal that turned into a cheat day that turned into a lost weekend. Over and over and over again.

I've had a few injuries here and there. But right now I am trying to come back from my biggest challenge: fence-sitting. I gotta get off the fence.

Today was a pretty serious low for me. I went to Bojangles and got food. By myself. I wasn't even that hungry. It was a pure food addiction moment. And it was great for about 5 minutes. But now, 8 hours later, I am still struggling and feeling bad about it.

The cool thing that came out of it? I told my roommate and another one of my close friends. I wasn't going to tell them. I wasn't going to tell anyone. But I realized pretty quickly, that if I am going to get off the fence and find myself on the right side, I have to quit acting like I have it all together.

Let me repeat that for those of us that struggle with this issue:

YOU HAVE TO QUIT ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER.

That's the only way to get back the fire that I used to have. So come on. Jump off with me.

-Liz

This is a dangerous blog.

About two weeks ago, I hurt my back. Bad. I was running 2+ miles every day, and on the 5th day of that, my body fought me back.

I was laid up. I took a punch of pain medicine that I had left over from when I hurt my neck a few months ago, but then pushed myself too hard, didn't rest, and ended up in a worse spot than where I was before.

 

I finally sucked it up and went to the back specialists I have been to before. Steroids, muscle relaxers, pain killers, and x-rays, and I was in a sad state of not being able to stand or sit, let alone work out. For about a week. And in that time, I ate. A lot. I felt sorry for myself so I let some old friends back into my life and my misery.

And it made the misery worse.

Over the weekend, a few friends offered to pray for my back, to heal me. I reluctantly agreed. They had faith. I didn't. It felt a little better, but didn't really fix anything. I kept taking all the meds I was supposed to take, and I kept laying on the couch, waiting for things to improve.
Here's where it gets dangerous.

I've been going to this bible study at church about the Holy Spirit. Really, it's about the fact that we limit God to what we believe He can do. I believe God can only do some things. Because if I believe He can do ALL things, that would make my world really messy and force me to change. So I keep God in this neat little package and don't hope for too much.

Every week, the group asks who needs prayer for healing. Now let me remind you, a few months ago, I can't say that I believed in this stuff. It felt like a show on a low-budget cable station with the ultimate goal of getting money from unsuspecting viewers. But last night, I felt God calling me out, asking me "Liz, do you trust me?"

So I asked for prayer. And my friends prayed over my back. And my friend Hannah said "I feel like you need to go out and run down the hallway." So I did it. And I had no pain.

Remember, yesterday morning, I was completely crooked and could barely stand up straight. But last night, I looked like a fool, jogging down a church hallway.

I got home last night, and I didn't take any medicine. I didn't finish the steroids that I had, I didn't even take any ibuprofen. I felt like God wanted to show me that He could heal me completely.

Do I trust Him?

It's no secret that God wants to heal every single solitary part of our lives. But it's also no secret that I don't believe every single solitary truth about God. Can He do anything? Yes. Can He heal my physical pain? Yes. Does He love me unconditionally? Yes.

And the answers to all of those questions seem to shift like sand in my daily life. I have been healed, so why do I operate each day as if I haven't been?

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” - Matthew 7

Feeling foolish? Yeah. Me too.

-Liz

I got this. I don't got this.

I confess. I am probably the most prideful person on the planet. Even though I know this and have known this for most of my life, for some reason it still surprises me that my pride continues to bamboozle me on a regular basis.

For instance, the big question as of late: Can I have a cheat day?

I don't know the answer. Some days I think absolutely not! I don't want to offset the workout I just did! Other days I think, there is no WAY that I can maintain this level of discipline with my eating for the rest of my life without a break. So bring on the wings!

Is there an in between? For me, there hasn't been. A cheat meal for me has turned in to the after meal dessert, then it's the weekend and why not make it last a little longer. Before you know it, I've had pizza and donuts and tastykakes and on and on and on. (By the way, that really happened.)

So without knowing the answer to the cheat meal question, I have to remind myself over and over again that I do NOT have this all figured out. And usually, the best thing to do when that happens in my mind is to let other people in to the discussion.

If you are trying to lose weight, or be better with your money, or stay away from that bad relationship in your life, I can confidently tell you that YOU DON'T GOT THIS. Not by yourself, anyway. Who is in your life that can walk through this crap with you? Whoever that person is, don't let them get away!

Pride keeps us from making big changes in our lives. Pride also isolates us and makes us believe that we can do it alone. Honestly, if we could make big changes alone, don't you think we would be over this by now?

And one more cool story for the day. Lately, I have been LOVING the spin bike. It's always been this piece of equipment at the Y that has scared me. I guess because I only ever saw super fit people on it and it was just this intimidating thing. If you can't see it in the photo, it says "Maximum user weight 300 lbs." It feels awesome to be under that maximum user weight.

Do you have any idea how many ways we are limited when we're overweight? This is quite a victory, indeed.

-Liz

Life lessons brought to you by The Wop

A few months ago, I downloaded the software update for my iPhone. The best feature, in my opinion, is that I can set my alarm to wake up to any song in my library. (side note: the worst feature is still the Maps application. HATE IT and immediately got google maps beta.)

But I digress.

SO...the song I wake up to every morning now? The Wop. If you don't know it, quit reading my stupid blog and go get it. The reason I like it? It starts with the rapper saying "UH-OH!!!" you know, like you're about to be in trouble if you listen to this beat cause you can't handle it. It's so great. It gets me up and going early.

At the Y, we don't have early morning meetings. Typically, we don't need to be in until 9:30 am. But I am getting up earlier than ever these days. Why, you ask? Because I need to give my first fruits to my workouts. I need to give my best to myself right now, or else I might not do it.

My roommate is a self-diagnosed procrastinator and we talk all the time about how this is a really hard habit to break. I am seeing this in my life more and more as I submit to God and stop being so tough about doing things my own way. This might seem weird to you, but I know that God wants me to work out in the mornings. He wants time with me first thing, and the biggest way I am showing obedience to Him right now is to freaking GET OUT OF BED.

But I LOVE my bed. I rearranged my room and I have this great little nook now and it's just the bomb.

But God is telling me to come on. Something happens when I hear The Wop start and I know that I need to get moving. I can't lie, there are days where I am disobedient and I turn off the Wop and turn over in my bed. But lately, I'm getting it.

So the life lesson and workout tip for you? Whatever you're struggling with...take care of it. Even if it's just a little bit. Quit putting it off. Here's the thing...when I get my cardio done in the morning, I am sweating like a man, and it's not even 9am, it's awesome because I am DONE for the day. When I DON'T do my cardio first thing, it hangs over my head all day. And by the time I get to it in the afternoon, I am just tired and cranky and blah.

Here's your homework: go download The Wop. And we'll all start our day with a big UH-OH!!! first thing tomorrow.

-Liz

Big wins, big losses.

It just depends on the day, my friends.

If you caught me in conversation last week, you would know I was KILLING it and doing really great.  Good workouts, great eating, in the fight.

If you caught me in conversation today. you would have gotten a completely different story.

I'm posting this to everyone as encouragement that, yes, we can start over. Every day. And I need to start over tomorrow because today was terrible. So don't let your today ruin tomorrow. I have done that for too long.

Forgive yourself for whatever happened today. So we can all start again tomorrow.

See you at the Y at 7am tm. I'll be the one getting it on the treadmill.

Dust yourself off and try again.

-Liz

The moment I didn't recognize myself.

There are 300 things I could talk about in this blog. I'll spare you the 299 other things flowing through my head and share a picture with you.

My friend took this last week. We were on a trip to Jamaica with 24 friends. We have gone several times, this was our fifth trip. This picture freaks me out because I genuinely did not know that it was me. Is this me? Is that my body? Is that my back? Because for as long as I can remember, I have cropped my backside out of photos and carefully photoshopped unflattering body shots of myself because I was so unhappy with my body. And this is the very reason that I don't have an old picture to compare to the one below:

Some of you are nodding your head in agreement. Some of you are thinking about those pictures you used to post to Facebook that you took of yourself in the bathroom mirror. You know the ones, just above your head to make your face look thinner and your body disappear into perspective.

What are we DOING to ourselves?

Do you realize that you are your own worst critic? Or that 99.9% of us see a seriously skewed version of ourselves? I hate the term "selfies". I hate Facebook albums filled with pictures of you, over and over again. It's like a cry to the social media world of "Am I acceptable? Do you think I am beautiful?" and it's the hope that someone, just one person (hopefully that guy that we like) will comment and affirm that yes, in fact, we ARE acceptable.

Do you see how screwed up this is?

No one but God gets to determine your value. Did you read that? I think you need to hear it again. No one but God gets to determine your value.

I remembered that today as I was working out. I thought about it today because I have seen so many people lose weight and then give up. I ran it through my mind today because I have thought about giving up. Because this is HARD. And it will take forever.

But the alternative is to give in to the lie that I am not worth it. If I believe that, I quit. But if I believe God, I fight.

So freaking fight, would you? Fight for yourself.  And quit letting other people decide your value. I'm in if you are.

Also, as a favor to me, enough with the selfies.

-Liz