4 months, 5 miles, and 87 pounds

I just discovered running tights! Wow, this is a
great time to be alive I swear it.

I'm coming up on 4 months since my July 11th surgery date. I'm also coming up on week 6 of training for a little half marathon in March. Running certainly has changed the way I think and multiplied the ways I am thankful for daily life.

When I was 320 pounds in March, I certainly limited my life in so many ways. Being overweight and turning to food for comfort has been a physical barrier my whole life and has kept me from loving fully and being fully loved. Like any other addiction or replacement, food kept me isolated. As I gained weight and became bigger, my world became smaller. I took less chances, made less plans, and experienced less of life.

Don't get me wrong, if you know me, you know I have always been full of life. I have always been social and cared for people around me. But there was always a sense I could never fully be myself with that barrier separating me from the world. After all, how are we supposed to accept love fully when we don't fully love ourselves?

So here I am today at 231 pounds. 87 pounds down since March. And here I am this morning after running 5 miles. Running is a lifelong habit for some, but it has always been an unattainable goal to me, something I admired in others but never thought I could accomplish. I am following a specific training plan to prepare for the half in March, and this week I have run 15 miles. Every mile has been a reminder of where I have come from.

It is nice to be running towards something now, rather than running away from something. It is nice to be showing up rather than hiding. It is nice to be seeing the world in a bigger way rather than watching my world get smaller and smaller.

Today is November 4th. And I am thankful. For all the ways I am finding who I truly am. The person that was hiding behind the weight and can now be fully seen. Here's to the next 40 pounds!

Ben is doing life again!

A few weeks ago, I posted about a guy named Ben. I have been following his story for years. Just a  regular dude who started to run, lost a bunch of weight, inspired thousands, and then gained the weight back. He fell off the grid for a while, but now he's back. And I am so excited.

I used to follow a blog called "365 days with the 330 pound woman." She stopped blogging. Ben stopped blogging. Another friend of mine stopped blogging because she gained the weight back.

We share when things are going great. But why do we isolate when things aren't going so great? And I don't mean blogs because really, blogs are stupid and faceless. I mean with the people that know you and allow you to be known.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I wish I was a drug addict instead of a food addict. At least I could stay away from drugs completely. But I am forced to have a relationship with food. And I always will. Food is a living, breathing, reality of every day life for me. And every day holds some kind of food struggle.

Don't give up when things stop going as great as they used to be. I can't tell you how many times I've said "Screw it, let's go get chips and queso." Too many chips and queso decisions turn into tight pants before you know it.

Next week I am leaving on a solo motorcycle trip up the Blue Ridge Parkway. I am hoping for clarity and adventure. And cheating death, of course! Doing life...one day at a time.