Burn your fences

It's amazing what I can talk myself out of.

My life has been emotionally charged lately. I guess it's a combination of a lot of things, and a few things that I'm not willing to crack open on a blog. But let's just say my highs have been high, and my lows have been low. VERY low.

You would think that after two years of battling food issues, I wouldn't turn to food in the midst of emotional turmoil.

You would be wrong.

I still have go-to comfort foods. Even though, ultimately, these foods make me uncomfortable. I know what overeating does to me, but even though I know what it does to me, I do what I want. And after those few minutes of food bliss, I experience food depression. It's deep and dark and isolating and defeating.

So even though I know what I shouldn't do, I do it anyway. It makes me feel extremely alone, and I wonder if anyone deals with this as ridiculously as I do. And then God reminds me in Romans 7:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So if you are a fence sitter like me, take this seriously. Don't just hop off the fence, burn the fence. Don't let that fence be an option anymore. There is a battle going on for each one of us. An angel and a devil on each shoulder. One talking you out of bad decisions, the other talking you into bad decisions. Here is a list of thoughts that are TRUE SIGNS you are listening to the devil and not the angel. I know, because I think the same things:

1. I've had a long day. I deserve a little comfort food!
2. I'll start tomorrow.
3. Everyone else can eat whatever they want, so why do I have to live differently?
4. I already cheated once, so the weekend is lost anyway.
5. I just need a break.

And on and on and on. I haven't figured out the happy medium yet. But I do know from experience, that the slide starts slow and before you know it, you get out of control and when you lose self-control, it's the danger zone.

I had to get off the fence this week. While it's true that no one else is in my exact same circumstances, I have realized that food does not comfort me like I wish it would. It hurts me. And I'm not willing to hurt myself like this anymore.

If you're in the midst of a struggle like this one, know that God is on your side. So that is the side we have to listen to. Every. Single. Time.

-Liz