Things we are NOT called to be

 I hesitated to read this book. The title scared me away. Am I being flippant or careless? Am I compromising my faith in God? Am I not paying attention?

It turns out...we are not called to be doormats. We are called to be kind. We are called to be loving. We are called to forgive.

Things are NOT called to be:

1. Doormats
2. Unforgiving (and yes...that goes towards ourselves as well)
3. Self-indulgent (and yes...that goes towards ourselves as well)
4. Stuck in the past

My dad used to tell me that, when driving, if you only look in your rearview mirror, you will inevitably crash. Not if, but when.

For those of us that tend to sit in feelings. For those of us that romanticize the past. For those of us that believe failure is NOT just an event...read this book. Local library has it. And I have been loving it. (also sorry for the language in there but...it's just super good.)

There is a difference

There is a difference between being the best IN the world and the best FOR the world.

My wife is a fourth grade teacher and she often talks about legacy and moments that matter. She shared this video with me today and I found it so appropriate for what we are all doing in work and life that shows purpose. Take a look!

Changing leaves? Let's go!

Every morning, I walk my dog Bailey. It started last year as an "observation walk" at the suggestion of my therapist. The rules were simple: go out for a walk and don't think deeply about your to-do list, your problems to solve, or your shortcomings.

Just walk and pay attention to the birds. And your dog. And the morning. And the neighborhood.

WAY harder than you think! Promise!

So in this last year, my observation walk has turned into a prayer walk. It's been life changing. Pray for people that have hurt you. Pray for them by name. Better yet: pray that you would see yourself as God sees you. Pray for peace. And pray for very, very simple gratefulness.

So, we pray for change. And these early fall leaves are a God-wink. And we pay attention. 

I love living in North Carolina because of the changing seasons. That matters. So let's all change seasons together and be grateful in it. Deal?

What's on your summer reading list?

I have struggled with reading fiction my whole life. I get a book that EVERYONE is talking about (Oprah, Reese Witherspoon, Facebook, etc.) and I start to read and....

I think about my to-do list.

I think about projects around the house.

I wonder what my Housewives are up to and what season is live on Bravo.

I think more about my Housewives and wonder who has had the worst plastic surgery lately.

And then by page 10 I think: "what did I just read?"

And then I go back to my go-to's: Christian self-help books. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. I love a good Joyce Meyer book. Also, I love Andy Cohen's book because he gives me backstage access to my Housewives.

So summer reading for you? Watch Bravo. And go to the library for Joyce Meyer. Now go on and enjoy August before pumpkin spice everything hits hard.

Encouragement for the everyday

Hi team!

Here are some great links for daily encouragement! Quick and easy for those of us that only have a few moments in the morning…

https://joycemeyer.org/DailyDevo

https://odb.org/

https://www.liveresurrection.org/devotionals/

All of these links have helped me to focus on God daily. I hope it encourages you as well. Happy weekend!

Now what?

Stone Mountain, NC.

Here we are in this weird little bit between Christmas and the New Year when we aren't sure what day it is, what time it is, when we go back to work, and what day the trash guy picks up. So much leads up to Christmas and the months of preparing and anticipating and then we hit the New Year and then...now what?

After having bariatric surgery in July of 2018, I hit my goal weight over the fall and am now successfully keeping it off and focusing on my health, not just the scale. I remember my surgeon telling me that the hardest part of post-surgery life would be to make sure I eat ENOUGH. I also remember laughing at him and thinking "ok, doc."

But, since then, my list of goals has been accomplished. Rode a roller coaster. Fit comfortably on an airplane to South Africa. Shopped at the Gap. Wore a medium t-shirt. Ran a half marathon. Drove by the McDonald's without stopping in the drive-thru. I can cross my legs comfortably. I can wrap a sweatshirt around my waist. I can sit on the ground and wrap my arms around my legs. I can hike 7 miles and still have energy. I can share clothes with people. All the things that most people maybe don't even think about, are the things that I never got to experience. And now I do!

Now what?

There is a strange moment in time when you hit a goal and everyone stops talking about how great and courageous and strong you are. I am in that strange moment. Days will pass now (maybe even weeks) between people asking me about my weight loss or commenting on how I look. I thought this lapse would bother me more than it does. The truth is...I am enjoying conversation not being about me so much anymore. I feel like I have missed out on everyone around me and their big things because I was knee deep in my big thing and fighting to crawl out of the hole I was in.

In the past, when I would hit weight loss milestones I would start to think that I had it under control and I would celebrate with a slice of pizza. Or some ice cream. Or fast food. But of course, the celebration is what got me into this trouble in the first place and I watched one cheeseburger turn into two and one donut turn into six. The weight comes back on, sometimes more than when we started and then that public victory turns into a quiet shame. Most of the weight loss blogs I have followed have gone dark for those same reasons. No one wants to blog about the quiet shame of weight gain - the admittance that I failed. Again. And I gained the weight back. Again.

Maybe you are in that strange moment with me. You just accomplished a goal. You just finished a race or a degree or a project. And you are wondering the same thing.

Now what?

Well, now...I am happy. That thing that kept me hiding (and I might say, in the closet) my whole life is no longer allowed to do that. The love of a beautiful woman, best friend, and partner, has shown me that it's time to turn around and focus on the world around me. That it's ok (and actually, quite incredible) to let people love me and, in turn, love them back whole heartedly.  Now, I am focusing on our family, our community, and our life together.

It is a strange moment when your real life outpaces your wildest dreams. But that's the weird little bit I am in right now and I am loving every single second. To not be alone on the holidays, to not use food as my source of comfort, to be a part of a family as an adult, and to experience the love that comes with partnership? I had no idea what I was missing!

I hope my story helps others. After all, isn't that the best we can all hope for? That we can help one another and pull each other through the struggle. If it's one thing I've learned through all of this - it's that we shouldn't try to climb mountains alone. And once we climb to the top together, celebrate. 

Always, always celebrate.

There is magic in the mundane.

Over the years, I have followed all these bloggers and writers on their wellness journeys. They do incredible things. They lose 150 pounds and go skydiving. They run a marathon and then decide to walk across America and write a book about it. They inspire and motivate and help the rest of us believe that anything is possible.

But after the skydiving and the weight loss and the marathon and the book, they have disappeared from my social media feeds. Most inspirational blogs (if not all), don't last because those big life-defining moments can't happen over and over again to one person.

This same thing has happened to me. I lost the weight, I rode the roller coaster, I ran the marathon, I fit in an airplane seat and flew to Africa, I came out as a gay Christian, and I fell in love. The newness has faded. People have stopped commenting on my inspiring weight loss every day. It's not often that people talk about my bravery anymore. I don't get to go to the doctor and see a 40 pound weight drop on the scale since my last visit.

Two at a time.

The honeymoon is over. But it has been replaced by something greater. My every day mundane is now so magical. Let me explain.

What is your favorite day of the year? Is it a holiday? Maybe Christmas? Every time this question comes up, my answer used to be "December 26th!" The day after Christmas was my favorite because it meant I survived another celebration of family and love and being together. Because I was alone, living states away from my family, and never had a family to be with on Christmas morning. When you're in your 40's and still the "youngest child" in the family, it never feels...right. I would go see my parents on Christmas, or stay here on Christmas. And when I would stay in town on Christmas, I would take my two dogs on a walk through the neighborhood. If it was Christmas Eve, I would walk past food smells and driveways filled with cars and picture windows with sparkling Christmas trees and presents and kids and festive sweaters. And if it was Christmas day, I would walk past trash bins filled with empty boxes and wrapping paper, and people hugging goodbye at their cars, and kids riding their new scooters up and down the street. And I would walk by, with my dogs, and watch the years fade away knowing that that would never be me. And I would go home, with my dogs, to a house with one car in the garage, an empty trash bin, and a lonely kitchen.

The newness of my last year has faded. And thank God that it has. The things in life that, if you have a family, may seem annoying and mundane to you, are magical to me. I fell in love this year. God has perfect timing, and it was only after I learned to love myself that God created space for me to be loved by the most amazing woman I have ever met. She lets me run errands with her. I get to go to Sam's Club and buy these giant packs of vitamin waters and oatmeal and snacks and cereal because there are four of us. (Sam's Club really isn't designed for living single!) She invites me to events at her school, she lets me into family life and sports practices and orthodontist's appointments and endless piles of laundry and a full dishwasher and family movie nights and first day of school pictures.

And Christmas. And by some divine intervention, she got me to love Christmas again. And not only Christmas. She got me to love Halloween, and the first day of spring, and birthdays, and weekends, and snow days, and traditions. Family traditions.

This year will be the first year of my life that I will decorate my own home for Christmas. And we will do it up big. Halloween too. And maybe also just random Tuesdays because...why not? When Julie and I went to South Africa earlier this month, we were struck by the fact that every animal we saw on our safari travelled with a partner. Elephants, Rhinocerous, hippos, zebras, penguins, elk, giraffes - all in two's. I think I did ok for 42 years traveling alone. But now that I am traveling with a partner, I see all the magic. Every little bit of it. Not only that, but we get to travel in a pack with kids as a foursome.

If that's not magical, I don't know what is.