One mile turns into ten

This was on my door this morning.

Last night I was hanging out with my friends and I had an idea. Before I could think it through, I said it out loud.

"I think I'm going to run 10 miles tomorrow."

I heard myself saying this and I thought "who am I?"

I can't explain this enough: I NEVER thought I would be this person. Actually, I never thought that I COULD be this person. Someone that can run ten miles. Someone that can have self-discipline like this. Someone that other people could ask about how to lose weight and be an encouragement to them.

I was the big girl. I was the secretive eater. I was the lazy friend. I was the one that would make other people feel better about how much they ate because I always ate more.

Now, I am embracing the fact that I am someone people can be encouraged by, because I have been able to do something I never thought possible. God has rescued and redeemed me, saved and sustained me, healed and helped me.

So today I hit the Tobacco Trail with my friend Cameron to hold me accountable. I told the Facebook world that I was going to do it so I had to report back. Five miles in I got the mother of all blisters on the inside of my arch. Seven miles in I had rocks in my shoes. Eight miles in I hit the most annoying steady incline that lasted forever. Nine miles in, I shook my head the rest of the way because I couldn't believe what my Nike GPS was telling me.

May the force be with you.

Last year at this time I was marveling at the fact that I could run a mile without stopping. Can I remind you that you are new? That you can conquer that thing that has been a struggle for you your whole life? That you will find people coming around you to support you through your darkest hours?

But here's what's awesome. Your smallest steps will be celebrated by your biggest fans. And if you fail, you can always try again tomorrow. So celebrate your victories, but also celebrate your shortcomings. And keep trying. Before you know it, one mile will turn into ten.

-Liz

I have something to tell you, but I don't want to end up in your blog.

A few weeks ago I was having a rough day. One of those down in the dumps, walking the valleys, tired of choosing to be healthy days. A day that might seem to only be fixed by Ben and Jerry.

My friend Whitney came into the Y and said "I have something to tell you, but I don't want to end up in your blog."

Oh, Whitney...you know I can't promise you that.

She said she had a dream that she was in an auditorium. The seats were packed. The woman speaking on stage was someone she didn't recognize, but when she began speaking, she realized that the woman had my voice. That woman was me, but she was so...thin.

Whitney said that the woman turned sideways and she was so thin, that she - that I - was unrecognizable as the old me. Whitney figured out that the people in the auditorium were my blog readers. That all those people had come to see me talk about my weight loss journey.

So how could I quit now? Ben and Jerry can't compare to the far reaching arms that I have been able to have in sharing my struggles. I've gotten so many emails lately at JUST the right time. I've gotten words of encouragement right when I needed them most, when I was one step away from eating too much, or believing lies, or losing interest in working out. Right then, God chooses to drop me a life line so I don't drown.

If today is one of those days that you feel like drowning and you think that  those Cafe Carolina blue cupcakes are the only thing that will heal the pain, please think again. Those cupcakes are actually the things weighing us down.

Yes. Pun intended.

-Liz

Can you see Jesus in the clouds?

My friend Dee and I have a saying - "kingdom clouds." Kingdom clouds are the white, fluffy clouds that you see in beautiful blue skies. Clouds that look so fluffy, you can only imagine the kingdom of God inside of them. Thick, white clouds that belong to God and just might have God right inside of them.

When we see kingdom clouds, it is the reminder of God on this earth, making something beautiful just for us.

On Sunday morning, I went for a run. I have one of those Nike GPS apps on my iPhone that will tell me pace every 5 minutes. Sometimes I love that lady's voice when she interrupts my playlist to tell me how fast I am going. Sometimes, I hate that lady's voice when she interrupts my playlist to tell me how SLOW I am going. On Sunday, I hated her voice.

But my run was great, and I was on the way back running down Two Creeks Road. I was running down the right side of the street, and another lady was running down the left side of the street. We were both going the same direction, so I saw her out of the corner of my eye as she passed me across the street. When I saw her I thought "ugh, come on...this lady is going so much faster than me. I am so slow."

My internal dialogue continued: "this is so frustrating! Why can't I be as fast as her?" I beat myself like this for a few more moments and then, a shift happened. "What am I doing? Quit being so hard on yourself and realize that you have just run 3 1/2 miles and you feel great! Your legs are strong, your heart is pumping, and your mind is getting sharper and sharper. You are doing awesome, stop beating yourself up!"

I am not kidding you...as soon as I realized that thought and decided to stop beating myself up, this woman, across the street and ahead of me, turned around mid-stride and gave me a thumbs up.

Did she know what I was thinking at that exact moment? No. But God did. Did she know I needed some encouragement? Maybe. But God definitely did. I saw Jesus in that lady jogger just like I see Him in those kingdom clouds. You see the same joggers and the same clouds that I do...but do you see Jesus in them like I do?

Do you see Jesus in the people and places around you? Do you know how badly God is trying to get your attention? This is a beautiful life, and when I stop beating myself up and look for Jesus, I get it. I really, really get it.

But, we have to stop beating ourselves up first.

-Liz

What are the three greatest words in the English language?

Notice she says "we"...not "I".

Last week I bit the bullet and posted some pictures of my weight loss progress. In previous posts that I felt like, man, this is good, and I hope people respond...I would get 200 or 300 hits over the course of a month and I thought that was huge.

If that was huge, the feedback to this last post is...monstrous.

I have been checking it every day, and almost 4,000 people have looked at it - since Tuesday. I don't think numbers are a sheer gauge of success. What I do think, however, is that there are conversations starting amongst people that I don't know. Thoughts are spinning. Minds are wondering. Can I do this? Why can't I get a handle on this in my own life? Why haven't I given this part of my life up to God yet? Why am I trying to do this alone?

People have responded to me. People from my past. Old Young Life girls that I used to lead when they were in high school, old friends that I went to high school with, people that knew me so well at one point in my life but now we have drifted apart, and people that I barely know but see in my daily life here in North Carolina.

Is it weird that I am this honest and strangers know my deepest struggles on this blog? Yeah, it's weird. But at this point in my life, it is weirder to NOT be honest about something we ALL struggle with. And to be allowed to start the conversation and encourage others to do the same.

I heard once that the three greatest words in the English language are "Yeah, me too." If you are reading my blog, and you realize you aren't alone in your struggle, then we are ALL succeeding. We can't do life alone. We weren't created to, and it doesn't work when we try to.

Wondering if you can do it? If you can make a change and realize you are WORTH MORE? Yeah, me too.

-Liz

I guess it's finally time for before and after pics...

I never wanted to be that person that posts before and after pics. Whenever I see them on tv or online, I always think "wow, that was so quick!" People make it look...easy.



TOMS walk, April 2011. I officially
started the weight loss journey in
October 2011, but this is the best
"before" shot.



This was NOT easy. This will continue to be NOT easy. This is, in fact, the hardest thing I have ever done, and it's not even close to being over.



So just remember, these pictures are moments in time. They are brief snapshots. You see two versions of me. What you can't see is the sweat, the tears, the pain, the injuries, the early mornings, the late nights, the wonder, the glory, the highs, the lows, and everything in between. And I mean everything.



 I wish I had a picture of me choosing a different route home so I didn't have to drive by a McDonald's. I wish I had a picture of me not eating the tray of christmas cookies at my aunt's house. I wish I had a picture of me at the pool yesterday when, for the first time in my life, I could walk around in my bathing suit and not be self-conscious. I wish I had a picture of every single training session I have had with my trainer, the Romainiac (if you've ever trained her, you would know why she gets that nickname).



So many pictures I don't have. And I really wish that I had a picture of Jesus Christ Himself, running beside me down the Tobacco Trail for 7 miles. Because that would have to be the craziest picture anyone has ever seen. I may not have a picture, but trust me...it happened. And it was very, very good.

Here's to the next 71 pounds!



A recent pic with one of partners in crime, Lauren.
The crime? Breaking hearts. Oh yeah also...kicking ass
and taking names.

When you trip down memory lane

Last night I went to dinner with two of my favorite Young Life girls from Leesville High School. They are now women. Married, kids, and welcoming their 30s. It was one of those moments in time that just takes you back. And it really, REALLY took me back.

One of them said "I want to ask you a question, but before I do, I want to apologize if it's over the line." That statement already had me excited about what was next. She said "Do you wonder why your friends didn't encourage you to lose weight sooner?"

Hmm. I am still pondering this. When I started this weight loss journey, it wasn't my friends that encouraged me to do it. It wasn't a big moment in time where I knew something had to change, nothing percipatated it, nothing hit me as a rock bottom. For all intents and purposes, it was just - time to change.

Do I wonder why my friends didn't encourage me to lose weight sooner? Yes. I think about that quite a bit actually. Is there something about me that makes me unapproachable? Am I too tough? Am I too proud? Am I independent to a fault?

And this was the point in the dinner that I tripped down memory lane. I fell into that place of "I couldn't let anyone in, and I couldn't be told what to do. I still can't." And trust me, I struggle with this every day. This blog itself is a coping mechanism for me to let people in. To let down my guard and take in the good and the bad.

What will happen to all of us if we just...let people into the pain? If we weren't afraid of being ourselves to people, how would that change the world? And maybe more importantly, who is it in your life that needs to know that you struggle so that they can feel the freedom to struggle right there with you?

-Liz

Dear high school me...

Last weekend I went up to PA to visit my family and to meet my friend Dee so we could road trip back down to NC together.

I had some downtime on Saturday, so I decided to go over to my alma mater's track and run a little bit. Things have certainly changed since I was at Unionville High School. Now the track is crazy fancy, the football field is turf, and there are advertising billboards everywhere. When I went there, the track was gravel, the football field was full of divots, and the only advertising was the occasional announcement over the PA during halftime.

This is a picture of the field at the high school. This is also a picture of me beginning a reminiscing process that took me back to high school me. High school me hated this track. She feared it. She watched people run around it and wonder how they did it. She had to take P.E. on it and used the old "I have cramps" excuse more than a few times. (sorry, boys...TMI?)

She was also very insecure, and hid her body behind clothes that were baggy, made for boys, and plain enough to never draw attention to herself. She was defeated, knowing there was more out there for her, but afraid to try.

So last Saturday, I took high school me for a run. And we did the fastest 4 mile run I have EVER done. 4 miles in 48 minutes. That's a big deal. Each lap around that track was a marked victory for me. This lap is for high school me, to remind me that I can do it. This one is for high school me, to reclaim the dignity I never showed to myself. This one is for high school me, to give me back the respect and worth that I deserve. Lap after lap after lap.

It is good for us to reminisce. It is VERY good for us to confront the past and not let it poison our present. So go down memory lane if you are so bold, but make sure you bring Jesus with you. Last Saturday, He was pretty clear about running with me around memory lane, but then driving with my friend Dee and I back to North Carolina, to a present where things are looking brighter and brighter.

-Liz