The Road Less Traveled

I had a very interesting day. Two big things happened, and I can't tell which is more newsworthy.

Ok, so this first picture is of me with some of my high school friends doing some team building activities today. The notable thing in this picture is, however...my shorts.

I have had these shorts for a while. Mostly as a joke for skits about working out and wearing too-tight clothes. See, I could never wear shorts like this. And if I did. I couldn't move at all in them for fear of splitting my shorts. Most embarrassing moment.

But now, I can. This is a crazy thing to me. I have always worn LONG shorts. Boy shorts. Because they hide my legs. Now I am finding, all this working out is paying off and my legs look...tough. They are going to get tougher, but they are already taking shape. This is a crazy thing, my friends. To hide your body your whole life and then be ok to show off, even if it's just legs...this is victory. My joke about becoming more promiscuous as I lose weight just might not be a joke anymore.

Just kidding, Mom.

The other big thing that happened today? I ran 6 miles. Down this trail. The American Tobacco Trail. It can be boring, it can be monotonous. But for me today, it was a time for reflection with me and Jesus. As I was running, I was thinking about where I came from, what I have been doing to get where I am, and the things that I think now that I NEVER thought I would think.

Could I ever not sit on the couch and snack while watching tv? Could I ever stop going to food for comfort? Could I ever enjoy exercising and not just want it to be done? Could I ever see God in the midst of all of this?

It's amazing how God has taken me on a road that I never thought I would travel. I don't know when it happened, or when my heart changed, but things are moving from my head to my heart, and this is a victory.




It's time to travel down a new road.  Let's do it together. I'm really fun on road trips. Try me.

-Liz

Sometimes, you're just...done.

I am in a funk. And I am writing about it publicly. Because privately, too many of us struggle with the lows but publicly, we only declare the highs.

I am in a low. A serious low.

Today, I want to eat everything in sight. Today, I want to get a pizza from Salvio's and feel so full and satisfied and done. Today, I want to be done. Today I'm just...done.

This blog post doesn't have a happy ending or a revelation or an insight. This blog post is just a confession to remind me that the lows are still here. I have done so much and have gone so far, but today is a struggle. Today is a reminder that I am in a battle. There is something going on my mind that isn't reality, and there is a battle for me to believe that I am worth it and I can do this.

So what am I supposed to do? I have no idea. I think about the long-term future of this healthy eating thing and it makes me more exhausted than I can explain. I can't allow myself to think about that too much because it overwhelms me to where I want to quit.

So what am I going to do? I'm going to go to sleep pretty soon and pray that tomorrow will be a better day, that God would take away this funk I am in, and that I would find my joy again. This was a crappy post for me to write, but I hope that my honesty in this valley will encourage you to be honest when you're in your valley. Maybe you're already there. If so, you're right beside me, and I am whispering in your ear "This is temporary and we are going to find a way out."

-Liz

The kissy-face reality



Ok, so this post is not weight related. SHOCKER! But it is, however, heart-related. And to me, all of those things are the same.

This morning before church, I checked out Facebook. (Come on, those are your priorities, too.) As much as I wish I didn't stalk people on Facebook, I do. It never makes me feel better, but it's this awkward thing you can't help but watch.

It seems like today, more than usual, there was an abundance of girls in the following types of pictures:

1. Skinny arm, leg pop
2. Tight black dresses that leave nothing to the imagination
3. Next to bottles of alcohol or shot glasses
4. Kissy face/duck face/peace sign/bathroom mirror



For more examples, visit antiduckface.com
(watch out for inappropriate language)



I won't go on, because I will clearly become a judgmental jerk. I made this my facebook status this morning and quickly removed it:

"I wish that every single girl I know would realize their worth and that they were created in the image of God."

I still want this to happen, more than anything. But I didn't want that to be my fb status. Does it cast judgment and will someone take it the wrong way? Probably. But I have to be honest to all of my lady friends...can we PLEASE stop taking the same picture 10,000 ways? Can we go back to the days where we made ridiculous faces and didn't care about our double chin or our saggy underarm or the angle of our photo? Can we dress comfortably and protect our guy friends by not showing our boobs to the world? Can we wear baggy t-shirts and not cut them up to show our shoulders or our stomachs?

Imagine what a GREAT world that would be. (If you're as old as me, you remember that high school was JUST LIKE THAT and it was GLORIOUS. I miss the 90s.)

Girls, I have to tell you...what we are putting out on Facebook and Twitter these days, it's not cute. It's not portraying us as who we really are: beautiful, perfect daughters of God Himself, created in His image to show His creativity and beauty to the world. You are not an object, you are not a thing, you should not be drawing lines on your bodies telling guys that they can have this or that. You are better than that.

We are BETTER than that! If Facebook is supposed to represent who we really are, than we have some serious renovations to do. Who's with me?

-Liz

Feeling left out?

Today I met a friend for lunch at a restaurant that I would consider...an old friend. This particular restaurant has a bakery, with cupcakes that are THE BOMB. In fact, I used to drop by this restaurant at night and order dinner to go, only so I could justify the purchase of a six pack of cupcakes. I would go home, watch tv, mindlessly eat the dinner, and then eat cupcakes until I was painfully full. Sometimes that was 4. Sometimes it was 6. Yes...6 cupcakes. I just did the math on the calorie count for those cupcakes. Each one is 360 calories.

So on a particularly lonely night, that would add up to 2,160 calories. Of cupcakes.

I used to feel left out a lot. In the beginning of this journey, I would look around at restaurants of people eating whatever they want. I would go to the grocery store and resist the candy aisle. I would see people at concession stands, drive-thrus, parties, and work events just eating...whatever they want. Why can't I do that too? I felt SO LEFT OUT. It's not fair that they get to eat whatever they want and I don't.

But here's what I have realized today, as I was sitting in the middle of a restaurant that was a BAD old friend to me. It's not that I can't eat what I want...it's that what I WANT TO EAT is now so much different. What I wanted to eat in my old life was a temporary sugar high to make me feel better. What I wanted to eat in my old life was something to stuff down my real feelings.

What I want to eat now, however, is something to keep me healthy and strong. What I want to eat right now is food that I won't abuse, that won't become the center of my life, and that I can enjoy without letting it be the center of my world.

I guess it's hard to admit that food was the center of my life. But if I'm honest, I have to admit that so I can move on from it. And today, at lunch with my friend, I didn't feel left out from the others around me eating whatever they wanted. I felt empowered that I was able to choose my health over my cravings.

And honestly...don't we all deserve that for ourselves?

-Liz

The moment you know you're successful...





Ok, so, lately I have been wondering...is it possible that I am actually doing this? I have lost 66 pounds, and there are moments that I still wonder if I am being successful. Is anyone reading my blog? Am I helping anyone? Am I making a difference? Then...I got this fb message and it answered my questions. It also made me cry.



Before you read it, I want you to think about how YOU can change the lives of people around you. Your way will be different than mine, but it will be the way that works for you and the people in your life. I have beaten over the head lately with the fact that people need encouragement, and it is my job to do that. It's your job too. Now check out this great message:

Hey Liz! I have been reading your blog recently and literally everything you write I can relate to. I always thought I was the only one who felt all those feelings. Knowing that I'm not alone makes me feel so much better. I have tried weight loss programs before but have always come back to my old ways. I am so frusterated because I want to be healthy but it's just so hard when I have had so many "relapses" before. I feel like why eould it work for me now when it didnt in the past?Recently, I have been feeling extra upset about my self image. I just wish it was easy to get healthy. I get overwhelmed just thinking about exercising! Anyways, I am sooo inspired by your incredible weight loss journey. I have always looked up to you and now I do even more!! I was wondering how you got started? I feel like i might be ready to change. I'm sick of feeling like this. Thank you for blogging about your journey. you really have inspired me! Keep up your amazing work! I miss you!!

What is your journey that needs to be shared with the world? Trust me, it's something. And trust me in this...we are successful when we let people into our lives. When we love people through pain, and love them afterwards. When we let ourselves be loved by others, especially when it hurts.

-Liz

"You look skinny..."

Today is an epic day. For most people, it's a common, everyday thing. But for me, today is the first day that I have ever done this:

I shopped at Marshall's, found a dress, tried it on, loved it, and bought it.

I shopped somewhere that regular women shop. It wasn't online where you can get plus sizes, it wasn't at a store specifically made for larger women, and it wasn't the dress I had to buy because I had no other options that would fit me.

I was with two of my best friends, and we were shopping. We were talking about colors and fabrics and cuts and fit and prices and labels and where we could wear outfits to. I was being...a girl. Is this what it's like to go shopping with your friends? This is something I have never experienced.

I know that sounds crazy. But imagine it. Would you want to go shopping with your girlfriends when you can't fit into anything in the store? On the rare occasion that I would go shopping with friends, you could find me in the earrings section, or the hats, or any other accessory in which size didn't matter. But most of the time, you would find me waiting outside, or in the bookstore next door, or any other place that I felt like I could fit in and I didn't have sales girls judging me, thinking "Why is she in here? We have nothing that fits her..."

But not today. Today is a big step. Today is a milestone. Today is a day that I stepped into a dressing room, tried on a sleeveless black dress, and was surprised. Pleasantly. I look different now. I can wear something sleeveless without a sweater over it.

To top off this epic day...one of the little girls at our after school, Penelope, looked up at me and said "You look skinny." She's ten, and has no concept yet of being a complimentary, encouraging friend, even when it might not be true. That's why I know things are changing. And that's why this feeling tastes sweeter than any food I can turn to for comfort.

Come on, world. We're making moves.

-Liz

Fat Girl in a Thin Girl's Body

I have had some unbelievable conversations with people this week. My head is all over the place. But the common thread of all of these God-focused, wondering questions is this:

Will I think like a fat girl even when I approach my goal weight?

I know. Saying that is socially unacceptable. It's not politically correct. I'm not meaning to be disrespectful, and I kind of think I can use this terminology because I have carried the fat girl flag my whole life. But just roll with me here.

In my life, as a fat girl, I have fought these perceptions and thoughts. I have thought this about myself, and I have heard people say this to me

• I got this way because I don't care about myself.
• I have to be funny to be liked.
• No one can understand how I feel, so I shouldn't bother.
• My problem is worse than anyone else's problem.
• I am lazy.
• I can't change.
• I will never be loved.
• I will always be alone.
• I'm gross.

Yikes. That's a hard list to admit to. But here's the thing: when (not if), when I lose 100 pounds, I can still have ALL of these same  problems. I can still believe I will never be loved, I can still put myself in this self-imposed loneliness where no one can come in. I can be a fat girl in a thin girl's body.

See, we can fix the outside all we want. We can quit that, we can start this, we can lose weight, we can buy that, we can learn whatever. But the inside, the heart...is still the same. Someone that I love and respect, who I consider to be naturally-thin, said to me this week "It really hurts me that you won't let me into this with you. I know that you feel like I could never understand, but that's just not fair." And she was SO RIGHT.

I am not at my goal yet. That doesn't really matter. I am not a "thin girl" yet. And even that doesn't matter. Let me tell you how I feel now:

• I care too much about myself to stay this way. So does Jesus.
• I don't have to be funny to be liked. I am dearly loved by Jesus. (being the funniest person I know is just a side effect of my bad-assness)
• People want to know me. More importantly, Jesus knows my every struggle and darkest places of my heart and loves me more than ever.
• My problem is a challenge, and an opportunity to see Jesus in the midst of pain.
• I am not lazy. I am choosing victory, one day at a time so I don't get overwhelmed.
• I can change. And I have. And I will continue to.
• I am already loved. I was loved before I was even born by the Creator, by my Dad.
• I am never alone. And I will never be alone.
• I'm gross. (only when I burp, and that's just some people's opinions)

You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same. You are amazing, God.

-Liz