Thanks for the memories, Facebook

A funny thing happened to me on Facebook this week.

My favorite place on earth is Lake Champion, a Young Life camp in Glen Spey, New York. I met Jesus there in high school, have worked there for several summers, and have seen some of the best high schoolers I know learn about Jesus there. I have unbelievable memories of that place starting in 1993 (yes, I am that old, and am now realizing that some of you weren't even born yet).

So, Lake Champion has been posting old pictures from camping on their Facebook page. One of my friends tagged me in this gem right here. It's from 1993, I was 17, and there for five weeks volunteering one summer. The same day I was tagged in the photo, one of my friends from work posted this: 


"Wow! Look at you there! You look amazing in just a couple of short months....keep up the good work!"


I can only assume...she thought this was a picture of me that was taken a few months ago, pre-weight loss journey. Two GREAT things about this mistake: 1. I am thinner now than I was in high school and 2. I am aging REALLY well. I mean, REALLY well.

It did put me in a wonderful place of reflection. This morning I took a few hours to hike in Umstead Park, to listen to God, and to reflect on where I have come from. It's amazing. I found this picture, taken a few years ago, and I barely know that girl anymore.


We have to remember to reflect in the midst of these adventures we are on. Otherwise, we'll forget what God has done. Have you ever been sick, and you think "If only I felt better...God, this is the worst." But then you get better, and you forget how great it is to feel good? We do that to God, too. We forget His blessings, we forget His mercy, we forget His love.


Take a day to just be with God. Remove yourself from the busyness of life and reflect. You'll remember where you've come from, and you'll be reinvigorated to move ahead!


-Liz

Doing some professional reflecting in Jamaica last week.

When friends just don't understand

Just got back from our weeklong missions trip to Jamaica, that's why I have been silent. But trust me, my mind has been racing with thoughts of God, life, process, weight, forgiveness, friendship, accountability, expectations, perfection, and reality.

Are you as exhausted as I am reading that list?

Today, I weighed in with my trainer and, to date, I have lost 61 pounds! DANG! I am so excited, especially since I ate everything in sight while we were in Jamaica. But it certainly got me thinking about food and my social life. I thought I would share some well-intentioned words I've had from friends recently:

1. Have this brownie, you have been working so hard! You deserve it!
2. Don't let this weight thing affect your social life.
3. I think you're taking yourself too seriously.
4. You're going to be so pretty!
5. Hey trust me, I'm trying to lose a few pounds myself, but I don't let it affect my time with friends.
6. Just substitute chips with some delicious carrots! They have the same crunch and satisfy your desire to snack! (this one is my favorite...)

Let me repeat, these are words from my well-intentioned friends. Friends that love me and want to encourage me. They are not trying to beat me up, tear me down, stop my progress, or hurt my feelings.

It is, however, a reminder, that my naturally thin friends just don't understand. And I cannot fault them for that. How could a sober person understand an addict? How can I make them see that food can be an addiction just like anything else? So...I smile, and thank them, and go on my merry way, but inside, it does feel lonely. It feels unfair, it feels isolating.

But today I am living in this 61 pound victory. Today I am celebrating being able to fly on an airplane with the armrest down and the seatbelt having extra room. That is a victory that some of you can relate to, but some cannot. To be comfortable in a world that has always felt too small for me is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I can't wait to see what's next.

-Liz

"You're such an inspiration!"

So, I was sitting at my desk today, frustrated with my progress. I haven't been losing 3 pounds a week like I would hope to. I have been craving foods that are bad for me. I have hit a wall with my workouts.

I am just...bored. And in this desert where no one really understands what I am going through.

Anyone that knows me knows that I am my worst critic. There is no one that I am more critical about than myself. I compete with myself, I push myself too hard, and the biggest one is that I don't give myself a break. Naturally, I haven't been giving my body a break. The weeks of processed Luna Bars have been catching up to me and progress has slowed down.

So, I am changing something. But not the something you might think I would be changing. I am changing what the word "progress" means.

Are you slowing down? Losing interest? The honeymoon is over and the work is ahead? Here is progress: me sitting at my desk, being so hard on myself that I have become an emotional wreck, and a high schooler walking in and telling me she has lost 4 pounds because I have been such an inspiration to her.

Here is progress: someone asking me to speak at her Made To Crave bible study as a testimonial to how God can redeem the brokenness of our food addiction.

Here is progress: I have had one of the worst weeks I have had in a LONG time and I did not turn to food. (You should read that one again, because this is a bigger deal than you think it is.)

If you are as hard on yourself as I am on myself, and if you are hitting an emotional wall like I am, may I suggest changing your definition of the word "progress"? Our biggest victories might not be on the scale. They might just be the ones in our hearts, the ones that have beaten us up our whole lives.

We all need to make a collective promise to ourselves that we will stop the bombing when it comes to our own hearts. Give yourself a break, take a step back, and realize that you might be the most important person that you need to encourage today. Offer that to yourself, and watch how quickly you make progress!

-Liz

When being "set apart" feels like crap.

I don't know about you, but I like being a counselor to others. The sounding board for problems. The listener and shoulder to cry on. I like encouraging people, helping them in times of need, and offering hope and prayer when friends are upset and despondent.

I do NOT, however, like to be on the receiving end of all those things above. I don't like this new phase of life that God has put me in. In a word, I am - vulnerable. And as much as I have been fighting this new position, I can't help it. I am finally facing the one thing in my life that I have been pretending wasn't an issue. The elephant in the room. (No fat jokes! But...good one.)

Whenever someone comes to me and says "Living for God is just too hard. I have to give up this or that and I can't hang out with who I used to, I can't live that life and it's too hard. It's just not fair" my response has always been "We are set apart! As Christians, we are set apart and what feels like unfairness is actually God protecting us from pain!"

Yes, I fully believe that God's "rules" for life, are not actually rules to hold us down and bum us out, but protections from us getting hurt and carrying emotional scars and baggage that will forever weigh us down.

But if you're asking me to believe that too, well that just hits too close to home. And this week, it has hit so close to home that I have had to make some tough realizations. Yes, I am the toughest person I know, and yes, I have kept the world at a distance, and yes the extra weight I have carried around served its purpose to keep people away from knowing me fully.

Now that I know that, what will I do with it? I'm making a decision to not sit in this sin anymore but to find scripture to fight off the lies that I have believed my whole life. Maybe this will help you, too:

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:2 

Does that hit you like it hits me? I have conformed to the patterns of this world my whole life. The world says: Don't let anyone too close. Develop armor. Find a way to always have the upper hand. Look out for yourself first.

But what does Jesus say? "Greater love has no man than this: that he would lay his life down for his friends."

If I allow God to renew my mind, I will be transformed. Then and only then will I be able to see what God's will is for my life - his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

Maybe it's time for all of us to actually believe in ourselves as much as we believe in others, and to listen to the advice we give and let God apply it to our own hearts. I don't know...maybe.

-Liz

...and the victory flag flies high over the golden arches.

Every week, I meet with my friends Pam and Barb to talk about our weight loss trials and tribulations, victories and triumphs. This past week, Pam was talking about how she has no desire to have a "pig out" day anymore. I told her that I'm just not there yet - that I still can't go into a McDonald's without eating like the old days.

And what, you may ask, did my old days at McDonald's look like? Well, here is an embarrassing admission:

Usually, it was the 2 cheeseburger meal, supersized, with a diet coke. Yes, a diet coke. I didn't want to go overboard, now. Oh and occasionally, add an apple pie. And they used to be 2 for $1, so didn't I want 2, they would ask? Sure, why not? And once, I think I even added chicken nuggets. Alright, take it easy. Quit judging me. It was probably a rough night. Or I was bored. Or, any number of stupid reasons that I would take that all home with me. The calorie total of all that goodness was...

610 for the fries, 300 for each cheeseburger, 280 for the chicken nuggets, and 250 for each apple pie bringing that total to...

1,990 calories. For one meal. To put that into perspective, I now consume less than 1,500 calories a day.

(Another fun one to calculate...I used to be more than willing to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting. A pint of their chocolate chip cookie dough is 920 calories. And that's one of the lower calorie flavors!)


My point is this: I never, ever thought I would be able to go into a McDonald's again without eating like I used to. In fact, when I first started this weight loss journey in September, I would avoid certain routes home so my car wouldn't magically drift into the drive through. But today, today something amazing happened.

I went to Hickory to meet my friend Sam for the day and I really, really wanted coffee. I couldn't find a convenient Starbucks, but I did pass a McDonald's. I went in hungry. I came out with a sugar free vanilla latte in my hand. And you know what? I didn't feel deprived. I didn't feel left out. I didn't feel lonely, I felt EMPOWERED. I felt God's hand on me, and I felt empowered.

Today was a big day. Today was a victory, and today I am grateful to God for how He is carrying me and you through our greatest struggles and into victory.

We should all care enough about ourselves to pay attention to what we put in our mouths. And we should all care enough about our feelings and emotions to stop stuffing them down with food. And you should invite me out for coffee...and we can even go to McDonalds. Turns out, their coffee is awesome.

-Liz

What are we hiding from?

I was just on myfitnesspal.com. It's a great website that tracks calories and exercises for you, and has lists of foods in and out of restaurants, etc. I have the app on my iphone and it has REALLY been a help.

ANWAYS...I was reading someone's blog post where they posted before and after pictures, in the mirror, of 33 pounds before and 33 pounds after. I was reading through all of the replies, the congratulations, etc. and there was one that REALLY got me. One woman replied to the photos by saying:

"Wow, I wish I had taken more before photos, but I was always trying to stay out of the picture."

Painful. Profound. Honest. It has me thinking the same thing. I never took before photos. I am still not taking photos. Why? I'm not scared to jump in a group photo. But I am scared of taking photos of my work in progress. Am I still trying to stay out of the picture?

Just a question of...what are we hiding from? Is it a person? Is it ourselves? Is it our potential? What are we afraid of?

I don't know the answers. I do know that, for me, sometimes it is painful to acknowledge change and be the center of attention. It's hard to take a compliment, and it's scary to find myself in a new reality. But it's the good kind of scary. Like a leap of faith. Like trusting someone. Like accepting love. Like accepting that someone loves me unconditionally.

I am losing weight because I am loved, not because I want to be loved. See the difference? After 35 years, I do.

-Liz

Giving away your "big" clothes should be freeing. Right?

Last night I decided to tackle round two of giving away my old clothes. I had been throwing clothes into my guest room as I tried them on and they were just too big for me.

The first time I got rid of old clothes, it was pretty awesome. They were baggy clothes to being with because that's what I am comfortable in, but when I got rid of them, I just couldn't keep wearing them, it looked ridiculous. So last night, I went through clothes that were a little more difficult to part with. T-shirts mostly, that I have had for years. Old standards. Not too tight, not too baggy.

What I am learning lately, is that, I don't have a choice to go back to the old Liz. Lately, I find myself making decision to safely keep me on the right path. This latest clothes dump is a big one for me. I won't ever go back to that size, and more importantly, I won't ever go back to what that girl believed about herself. Now that these shirts are gone, so are my options to give up.

It's crazy how what we wear is such a reflection of how we feel. In every way. I will miss those old t-shirts, but they are just things. They aren't the memories themselves. Now I know how people get on that show Hoarders.

I gotta go find some more stuff to get rid of.

-Liz

Our first trip to Jamaica, in March of 2010. This shirt is in
the stack to go.



The Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day of last year. Bye Bye,
Kimley-Horn KISS tee.




Jamaica, December 2011.




Our spring break Washington, DC trip in March of last year.