Guilt is a great motivator.

I woke up this morning feeling super blah. This transition back into my daily life from Jamaica has been hard. An annoying reality for me is that the food and eating and weight part of it has been the hardest. All of a sudden, I am right back into the obsession of my body, my progress, my insecurity, my fear of failure.

It's funny how, when we're hurt, we think no one can ever understand. And because we feel that way, we decide to separate ourselves, pull away, and lock ourselves into this self-imposed prison of despair and unrealistic sadness.  So I start feeling guilty. I feel guilty about being so wrapped up in my problems, I feel guilty for not logging in my food journal last week, I feel guilty for eating that small piece of cake at Christmas dinner.

I feel guilty. And I am finding that guilt is a great motivator that I use against myself, and against others. But the way it bites you back, is that it makes you worse off than you were before.

When someone hurts me, do I make them feel guilty by withholding love from them in the hopes of teaching them a lesson? When someone doesn't call me back, do I make them feel guilty by withholding forgiveness from them? When I eat something I shouldn't, do I let that guilty feeling carry me through the rest of the day, since I already blew it that day? And since that day is ruined, why not take the week off? And before I know it, I am my own biggest critic. I have lost my identity and security. I have guilted myself into believing that I am not worth more.

I am worth more than this. And so are you. So let's all agree to stop letting guilt motivate us to hate ourselves and give up on ourselves. This stupid cycle has to stop.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come." - 2nd Corinthians 5:17.

YOU ARE NEW! I AM NEW! Every day, every decision, every second does not have to affect the next. Don't let it. Don't let the dark past ruin your bright future.

The old has gone, the new has come.

-Liz

The blog I don't want to write.

So, I went to Jamaica last week on a missions trip. I ate whatever I wanted. I didn't count calories, I didn't control my portions, I didn't obsess over my food intake, I didn't look at my body too long in the mirror everyday, my journal entries weren't consumed with asking God about my weight loss process, my impatience, my struggles, my insecurities.

My days were filled with people I love, kids that needed to be loved, community that needed care and attention, and the sick and the elderly that needed to be touched.

When it comes to my weight loss journey, my week in Jamaica has left me...confused.

When I am not constantly watching my weight, I am afraid that I am completely backsliding into old habits. When I AM contstantly watching my weight, I am afraid that I am so self-focused that I am missing what God is trying to show me.

See my problem?

For those of us that struggle with our weight, it is always on our minds. It is the underlying problem in our social situations, in our group of friends, in our homes, and in our work places. Every event I go to has food laid out lately, and now that the holidays are over and my YMCA is packed with new members wanting to get fit, I am struggling with getting back on the horse.

Last night, I had a VIVID dream that I was doing work on a pint of Ben and Jerry's. The food dreams are back, and so are my desires to attack every snack I see. When I got back from Jamaica, all I could think about was showering, sitting on my blue couch, and eating every sweet and salty American goodness that I was missing in the chicken, fish, and rice world of Jamaica.

I can't help but feel crazy selfish. I am also afraid of the scale when I have to weigh in with my trainer in the next few days. God has to work overtime in the next few days to get me back on track, and I have to find a way to not be so obsessed with my weight that I miss what God has put in front of me.

I am not kicking ass right now. I am getting my ass kicked a little bit. And that's why this is the blog that I don't really want to write, but the valleys are part of the process. I hate the valleys.

-Liz

Coming Soon...

Flew in from Jamaica last night. I have so many thoughts, it's ridiculous. My biggest thought right now is that we have a project this month to ship a container to the families in Jamaica that need clothes, mattresses, and bibles. Here is a little teaser video I did for that project. PLEASE pray about donating $50 towards a family that needs it. Each family has a container that you can shop for. Watch this awesomeness from our week in Whitehouse, Jamaica:

Jamaica tomorrow. Not a cruise. A mission.

Tomorrow I am leading a team of 16 to Jamaica to work with My Father's House ministries in Whitehouse, Westmoreland, Jamaica. I am feeling...unequipped.

I am not sure why God, throughout history, has used broken people to change the world, but He has. All through the bible I read about people who weren't ready, who made huge mistakes, who were outlaws, outcasts, and ousted by others, but God chose them.

And on this day, over 2000 years ago, God chose to walk alongside us as a baby, of all things. And a baby to an unwed mother. Not in an elaborate king's chambers, but in a manger. In a barn, surrounded by donkeys, filthy and cold.

Right now, I sit on a king size bed in my parents' house in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania surrounded by beautiful things. Tomorrow, I will stand in the middle of an impoverished country surrounded by beautiful people.

"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

I would love your prayer for our week in Jamaica. I would love your prayer that I would get out of the way and let God use me. I would love your prayer that I would choose God and His will above me and my will. Because my will is freaking STRONG and I tend to make situations all about me, even when I don't mean to.

That's how deep my pride goes. Good thing God runs deeper.

-Liz

Feedback that feeds you back

Just got a great message from someone else in the weight struggle:


I just recently starting following your weight loss blog entries. Thank you for sharing! From someone else that struggles it is always encouraging to hear from others and what they are doing! Anyways.. just last night I was writing in my journal that I needed motivation. I can stay focused for a little while and then I sabotage myself! So then this morning I clicked on your blog entry and it was the perfect motivation! I needed to be reminded of my own self-worth and that my motivation is ME! Thanks for sharing!

Have I mentioned lately that you are not alone and that we are all in this together? Also, have I mentioned lately that Madonna's The Immaculate Collection is the best cd to run to? Another free tip. 

-Liz

The weight loss tip that you're not ready for.

So, as of my last weigh in, I have lost 44 pounds. I am starting to feel successful. Yes, I am slow, and I know I should have felt successful many pounds ago.

I am also starting to realize that I might be able to now share my success with other people that could be going through the same crap I've been going through and ARE going through. Yes, it's a weight loss tip. No, it has nothing to do with food and exercise. I guess a cool thing that's happened to me is that my weight loss is a by-product of me following this tip. As I type that, I realize how ridiculous that sounds. People might say this isn't a big deal or a new philosophy or a revolutionary thought of any kind. 

But they'd be wrong because I maintain that most of the world can't handle this tip. Ok, now on to the tip.

If you want to lose weight, you have to believe that you are worth it.

Actually, fill in the blank. If you want _____________ , you have to believe that you are worth it.

Get real with yourself. Are you worth it? Are you worth saving? Are you worth changing? Are you worth not settling? Are you worth all of the things that you dream of, that you want, that you pray for, that you can only imagine?

It might take you 35 years to figure that out. I hope that someone lights a fire under you and it happens quicker for you than it happened for me. Somewhere along the way, you and I stopped believing that we were worth it, that we were made for more, and that we are more than conquerors. Somebody lied to us and got us to be weak, to give up, to give in, and to settle.

Don't. Don't do that anymore. There is a first step that you need to take, and you might be the only one that knows what that step is. So take it. Have courage, and take it. The great news? We are all in it together - taking small steps that add up to 44 pounds. And more.

Fill in the blank and let's do it together.

-Liz

He’s just not that into me… and THAT IS OKAY!

So I’m about to get ridiculously uncomfortable and honest with you, like “Dear Diary” status.

My friend had recently set me up on a date, and both he and I were into the idea and looking forward to it. He waited to ask me for my number in person like a true gentlemen, and I was thrown off by this unfamiliar intentionality but it already made me feel special.  So our date came around and we had talked for hours. It was an incredible time to say the least. We had great conversation, laughed a lot, and were full of smiles. I left the date feeling happy and pleased and I was excited like any girl would be when a date goes really well.

A few hours later after the date, I got a call from him telling me that he thought I was great, but that he realized he did not want to pursue me as more than a friend.

Umm, WHAT? I was completely taken aback and blindsided. I don’t go on many dates, and I felt so confident about this one. Not to say I was doodling his name on paper or anything, but I did not think that this was going to come to such an unexpected stop within a few hours of the date itself.

My immediate thoughts were as follows: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Did I not look pretty enough? Was I not as impressive as he’d hoped? While he could not give me a specific reason as to why he felt this why, all I felt was rejected.

Have you ever felt the pain of rejection? A boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you. You didn’t get that job you hoped for. You didn’t make the team. You didn’t get into the college of your dreams. Or maybe it was as simple as someone not responding to you or getting invited somewhere.

 It’s funny how we deal with rejection. All of a sudden you become so self-conscious and so critical of yourself. You feel embarrassed, lame, pathetic, and just not good enough. You try to pick apart the situation or scenario to find the answer, even if there isn’t one.

But then it hit me – these are ALL LIES. The negative thoughts that we let sink in and consume us, they’re just not true. Because for whatever reason, it didn’t work out. It wasn’t because I had low value and self worth.

The truth is that God had a hand on that situation the ENTIRE time, from the start to the finish. He already knows my heart, my desires, and my dreams. After a few minutes of believing these lies about myself, God gave me an even bigger list of reasons why this was actually a good thing. While I have my own big plans, the reality is that His plans are bigger. I could have stayed upset and told myself I wasn’t good enough, but God wiped all that away just to show me that He is in control and that I AM good enough. Whether he was protecting me, my future, or my heart from getting hurt down the road, I have no idea. All I know is that God loves me a ridiculous amount and that I have to trust in Him COMPLETELY and whole-heartedly, and no boy in this whole world could ever fill that.

No matter what kind of rejection it is, no matter what situation, trust that God knows the deal, and He is looking after you. Because while it feels like a wound and roadblock in that moment, God is smiling because he has something BIGGER and better planned for you. It’s easy to focus on the curse and overlook the blessings, but I PROMISE they’re there if you look for them. And while you might feel like you’re in 2^nd place, 3^rd place, or even last, God will always put you in 1^st, and that is the best place you can be. So don’t sit in your sulk and let these times of temporary disappointment hold you back. Instead, get back out there, because He is continually ready to bless you like crazy!

So here’s to the One who IS just that into you.

-Dee

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”